


The Peace Of Walks

by loquacious217



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Best Friends to Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Happy Ending, Humor, Protective Ben, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquacious217/pseuds/loquacious217
Summary: Rey has always been infatuated with Poe for as long as she's known him. The ladies were drawn towards his attractiveness, charm, & wit. His cousin, Ben, is the complete opposite. Darkly intimidating, & sarcastic. So why is Rey now captivated by him?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

#### Chapter 1: Table 12

  
 ** _(ReyPOV)_**  
  
Mr. Q's was the local billiard bar I frequented practically every weekend. My best friend, Finn, and I took a chance checking it out when it opened about 2 years ago. It was only 2:30 pm on a Thursday and the place was empty. Sometimes a business with barely any patrons meant not very good service, but I didn't care. They were able to provide us a pool table immediately. Finn and I were very happy with that.

At some time after we shown up, the manager, Poe, came to introduce himself to us. He shook my and Finn's hand, starting a conversation with us as we played. He explained that he came from Coruscant to jump start this business, Mr. Q's. His cousin, Ben, was the bartender and owner.

When I studied Ben at the bar after Poe pointed him out, I noticed he was very tall with dark wavy hair, just like Poe's. While ink completely covered his right arm, the other was bare. I could see it under the black long sleeve shirt he wore, sleeves pushed up. His hair waved in front of his right eye slightly as he wiped the bar counter down. He was cute, but not as dashing as Poe.

I thought Poe was extremely attractive. He had a great smile, adorable brown eyes, and nice hands. It didn't go unnoticed by me, mainly because he was awfully expressive with them as he spoke. He was definitely smooth, conveying enough attention to keep me interested, and subtly flirty. Poe knew what he was doing and I was instantly fascinated. Finn and I later agreed that he was a really cool guy. I just didn't tell Finn about my secret crush on Poe.

After finding that new treasure in Jakku, Finn and I began to spread word around about Mr. Q's, boasting how great the place was. Soon, our friends and more patrons trickled in through the door. It basically became the popular hang out place for us and our friends. We became loyal regulars of Mr. Q's. and Poe was thankful for our word of mouth and we were welcomed to Mr. Q's as family.

As Poe's first impression was a remarkable experience, it wasn't the same for his cousin, Ben. I thought he was a complete jerk. The bad boy image was not fictitious in him. The way he presented himself as an asshole towards customers was a concern, in my honest opinion. Something that could potentially damage their reputation.

Often, Poe and Ben would argue about something trivial during business hours. Poe didn't want to make a scene, but Ben didn't care to what anyone thought about their arguments, or about him, for that matter. He was known to throw things while angry, hearing the crash of an object against the wall and profanities coming from behind a closed Personnel Only door. Over time, me and Finn became used to it.

"I don't give a shit!" Ben would yell angrily.

"Ben, stop that! Come on, man! You know how much that cost?!" Poe would respond.

I was surprised that Ben and Poe haven't duked it out yet, for as often as they argue. And for as violent Ben seemed. For as loud as the jukebox music was already, it clearly was not loud enough to stifle their disputes. Ben would irately rush out of the room quickly, his long strides indicating the level of his anger. Poe would eventually follow behind him, a look of defeat on his face. I always felt bad for him.

At times, I wanted to approach Poe and try to comfort him. Hoping it would lighten his mood, maybe inviting him to hang with us at our table. Get their quarrels off his mind. It would give me a chance to get flirty with him. Anything, to be able to see that great smile again.

But this was bickering between family. I wasn't going to interfere.

Over the span of 2 years, I developed more than a crush on Poe, bordering closely to infatuation. He knew exactly what to say to me, calling me his favorite girl as I arrived at Mr. Q's. Customarily we greeted each other with a friendly embrace, but I took pleasure being in his arms, even tho it was shortlived.

I did notice that he hugged many girls at the pool hall. Flirt aimlessly with them, as he had done with me. Jealousy would seethe out of my pores, but only in secret. I'd watch him, girls fawning over Poe, touching his arm flirtatiously, giggling like idiots at his wit.

Fuck my life.

Why did Poe have to be so cute? Poe didn't have an idea how I felt about him.

"Are you going to take your drink or not, Rey?" a deep voice boomed at me rudely.

I turned my head to glare at Poe's cousin behind the bar. I didn't know he even knew my name. Poe must have told him. We rarely spoke to each other, except to order drinks, food, or get a table.

"Excuse me?" his voice is deeply soothing, but rude.

I turn towards him. Ben gestures sarcastically to my vodka sour on the counter with his right hand, an annoyed look on his face. His eyebrows then raise out of impatience. I grab my drink and see his arm. Noticing that all the ink on his right arm is just black and red.

It didn't quite reach all the way to his wrist, but stopped short just above it. Script in beautiful calligraphy wrapped around his arm in black. Random ink blotted at some points of his skin, like the imaginary calligraphy pen leaked. Then red smeared across the letters, deliberately depicted as smeared blood.

It's dark, but magnificent work.

Ben caught me staring at his arm and bends his head down to catch my attention. A what are you looking at vibe came from him. I look up at him and see his eyes for the first time. Really see them. I had thought they were brown, from a distance. Now I'm much closer, some light reveals he had multiple shades of browns. The darker shade encircling his pupils. If I thought his tattoo was beautiful, his eyes are captivating.

We had a moment, trying to read each other. No words exchanged. Usually, this type of silence would make me feel awkward, since I didn't know Ben as well as Poe, but I couldn't look away. Neither could he. This Ben I was observing was a different Ben.

I smiled. Genuinely smiled at him.

And he was shocked by it. His eyebrows now took another expression of curiousness and his lips gave me a small smile in return.

"Nice ink. It's beautiful," I admitted.

"Thanks."

"What does it say? Is it a poem?" I asked him, bending my head closer to try to read the calligraphy.

"Uhh," Ben began, deep in thought, "it's a haiku."

I look incredulously at him, then down at his arm. It was not a haiku, obviously. It was too long! I looked up at him again and he had a smirk on his face.

He got me.

I laughed and he gave me a real smile that I've never seen in my two years coming here. I don't think I've ever seen him smile, to think about it.

"No tattoos on your left arm?" I motioned towards his left arm, which was completely blank of any ink.

"Nah, I'm not right-handed," he finishes.

"You did this yourself?! There is no way!" I said, grasping his arm to observe it closer.

He looked at me with question.

"I'm kidding. I am right-handed," he said matter-of-factly. "Someone else did it."

Ben had a sense of humor. Sarcastic as fuck, but funny. Who knew.

I nodded, releasing his arm, and remembered I had a vodka sour. I proceed to pull my money out of my pocket, when Ben waves his hand at me.

"On the house," he gives me a quick grin and goes back to work, turning around.

I realize then that Ben is a very enigmatic person. He has walls. Just like I do. He is hot and cold. Right, then left. I saw a different side of him than what I'm used to. Now I'm beginning to think he is a little more interesting than what he lets on.

**_(Ben POV)_**

I don't understand how women literally fall at Poe's feet, desperate for his attention. He's an asshole. And a complete dog. He loves the women and he knows how to get them wrapped around his finger.

He may be my cousin, but he's still an asshole. How do I know? An asshole knows how to sniff out another asshole. Plain and simple.

I turn back around to see him surrounded by multiple women, relentlessly flirting with him. I shake my head and serve the next customer, giving them the billiard balls and the number to which table they will be playing at.

The number of customers is starting to pour in quickly now and I look towards Poe, hoping I'll catch his attention without yelling out his name. I need his damn help! I can't do everything myself with this big of a crowd coming in. He's laughing along with the ladies around him. His back is facing me and I can see his hands animated with what he's saying to the ladies. A line starts to form at the bar as they wait for service. It's going to get really busy soon. I need to hire another person if Poe-Shmoe is not going to help me soon.

Fuck this.

"POE!" I yell loudly towards him.

His head whips around quickly and has the audacity to raise his eyebrows up into a 'what do you want' expression.

Like I said, he's an asshole.

"Come on, man," I put my arms up in annoyance, then gesture to the customers waiting in line.

Poe nods once and turns around to let the ladies know his time is up. I can hear them "awww" from where I'm standing. I roll my eyes. He makes his way towards the bar, of course greeting almost everyone in line. Fine, if he's gonna be social to everyone, he can run the register. I'm gonna make his ass work tonight.

Mr. Q's is my baby. I moved to Jakku to start my business, Poe following me here, to help me out. In honesty, this business is 100% mine. Whole heartedly mine. I paid for all of it. The name, the liquor and supplies, the food, the rent. Everything. He may be manager, but I seem to be managing everything at the moment. Plus solely own it.

Did I mention Poe's an asshole?

When I attempted to open up Mr. Q's in Coruscant, I wasn't as lucky. _Snokie's_ bought the building I had hoped to open at. Ever since then, that establishment had been my main competition. Reason why I moved to Jakku. Worked out for me because the strip mall here was immensely cheaper than what Coruscant wanted for rental fees.

Mr. Q's was doing exceptionally well in Jakku and I was here to stay.

While opening a beer bottle for one of my customers, I hear a playful yelp at Table 12. It's Rey and her friend. What's his name? Phil? They've been coming here almost every weekend to play pool with each other for awhile. I remember her friend saying her name in passing. I just don't remember his name.

This Rey was different from the other girls. Cute in her own way, with brown wavy hair, petite. She didn't try so hard like most of the girls that came in here. The others were fake. She was real.

She high fived her friend as she held onto her cue stick. She won the game. Her guy friend had a look of a defeated expression, but congratulated her with a small smile. She patted her friend on the back passing him and made her way to the jukebox, which was right next to the bar.

"Hey, it's my favorite girl," Poe says as he's punching numbers on the register.

"Hey, Poe," she responds coyly.

Fuck. Not her too.

"Hi Ben."

Rey usually doesn't greet me. I'm mostly overlooked, until today. I look at her and give her a nod. She gives me that same smile she gave me earlier. Something in my chest flutters. It fucking flutters! I purse my lips because I don't know how to react to that. I play ignorant asshole again and ask the next customer what they want.

I discreetly watch her stand in front of the jukebox, looking through the list of music to play. This is the moment Poe-Shmoe converses with her.

"Hey Rey, do you know of anyone looking for a job? We have a waitress position open."

"You looking for someone to help you guys out? Do you specifically want a waitress? What about a waiter? My friend has experience," Rey tells Poe.

Rey speaks while she still searches through the list and finally picks a Breaking Benjamin song. She has good taste. One of my favorite bands. She makes her way to the bar and sits on one of the barstools in front of me when the introduction of Breath begins to play in the pool hall. Good choice.

"Do you think he'd be interested?"

I start to pour measured liquor into a shaker for the customer sitting next to Rey, all the while, listening to their conversation.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind working here. We love it here," Rey says with a smile.

"We love you too," Poe smiles with his teeth practically blinding me.

I feel a heat flush my skin at the giggle Rey gives Poe. He's flirting with her. I turn and inhale deeply, anger rising inside me. Maybe Rey isn't different at all. She's like all the other girls. Falling for Poe's stupid fucking bullshit.

After mixing the drink, I pour it into a short glass and grab a small black straw, forcefully dropping it into the glass. My expression is of irritation as I look at the customer.

"Four, seventy-five."

"How much?" the customer asks again.

My irritation grows with my impatience of having to repeat myself. I put my hands on the counter to lean closer to this nitwit. It's obvious that I am about to lose my shit. And the night just barely started.

The customer's eyes widen as I lean a bit closer.

Suddenly, I feel warmth on my right arm. It's Rey, her hand on my skin. Her expression is of...I don't know what it is.

"Let me help you," there's a small grin on her lips.

She then turns her head towards the customer and tells him the price of the drink. The guy nods with relief and pulls his wallet out. He puts a $5 bill on the counter and leaves quickly.

Twenty five cents tip. Wow.

"That's what you get you, dipshit," Poe scolds me.

I snap my eyes to Poe a give him deathglare, gritting my teeth. The muscles in my jaw tense. He continues to punch buttons on the register, ignoring my glare. Poe doesn't take me seriously most of the time. He was used to seeing me pissed everyday of my life.

"What did you expect?" Poe continued. "Do you blame him? The music's loud in here. Hell, I didn't hear him either!"

"Go fuck yourself, Poe," I turned to throw some glasses into the dish bucket. A little too forcefully.

"Fuck!"

Now I have to clean that broken glass later and order a new set of shot glasses.

"Do you drink while you work?" Rey points her random question towards me.

This woman is crazy. Is she kidding me? I look at her incredulously.

"What?" I ask quizzically.

"I mean, do you allow yourself to drink during work hours?" Rey words it differently.

"Of course I can. I'm the fucking owner," I almost shout at her.

Rey didn't bat an eyelash, or wince. It didn't intimidate her at all. Impressive.

"Ok, then. Have a shot with me," Rey proposes.

I stare at her.

"You're serious."

"Of course I am," she tells me.

"Why?" I ask. I fold my arms across my chest, leaning back against the counter.

I catch her checking out my right arm. I play that I didn't, but I do catch her. Why is she looking at me like that?

"Maybe it'll help you to relax a little," Rey shrugs.

She's trying to help me. Poe looks at me then, waiting for my answer. Then looks at Rey, then back at me. He's enthralled what's happening in front of him.

"I'll pay for it," she adds.

"No, I'll pay!" Poe finishes. He has a big amused smile on his face.

If Poe is paying, then absofuckinlutely.

"Let's go," I say quickly, before he backs out of his offer. I relax and lean against the counter again in front of me. "What do you want?"

"Vodka," she answers. Rey loves her vodka.

Poe snorts. What the hell is his problem?

"If it's Vodka, I'll buy another shot!" Poe adds. I want to punch that smile off his face.

"You can't do that!" I yell at him.

"Why not? He's paying," Rey points out, shrugging.

I glare at both of them. There's silence between us three. Rey and Poe are bothing waiting for my answer. Ok, fine. Why the hell not? If Poe is paying, then I will gladly take his money.

I grab 4 shot glasses and slam them down onto the counter. Grab the vodka, open it, and pour the liquid into the glasses. Then place the bottle on the counter.

"Ladies first," I say sarcastically, pointing with my hand towards the liquor.

She grabs one and lifts it up, waiting for me. I take one glass and mirror her. She gives her cheers, clinking my shot glass with hers, looking into my eyes. I nod my head and we both slam the shot back and drink. Rey finishes with an "aahh" and puts the shot glass down.

When the vodka hits the back of my throat, I squeeze my eyes shut. I hate vodka. I get drunk quicker with vodka.

Then realization hits me.

Poe knows I get drunk quicker with vodka. I'm not a lightweight but vodka does something to me compared to any other liquor on the shelf. Now I know what he's doing. I know what he's up to. Sneaky prick.

Yep. I'm glaring at him again, placing the shot glass down. That stupid grin is still on his face. I know his game now.

"Rey, I thought you wanted to play another game?" Rey's friend shows up at this moment beside her.

"Finn! I'm so sorry! Hold on! I'm gonna take this shot then we can play another game," Rey tells him.

Finn. That's his name. Not Phil.

"Hello Poe," Finn smiles, nodding towards Poe.

His smile instantly falls when he sees me. "Uh, hi Ben."

I intimidate him. Good.

"Ready?" Rey raises her 2nd shot glass, catching my attention. "Salud!"

She knocks back her shot and I observe her. Her skin looks slightly pink from the liquor already. Her hair bounces with the nod of her head after downing her shot. Her bottom lip wet from her tongue erasing any remnants of vodka. Freckless dot her cheeks. She's not cute, she's pretty. Very pretty.

I swallow hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI, there is an actual "Snookie's" Billiards Pool Hall somewhere in Los Angeles. "Snokie's" just happened to work out perfectly for this story. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2: Onion Rings

_**(ReyPOV)** _

_Breathe in through the nose._

_Hold it._

_1..2..3..4..5..._

_Breathe out._

Not another one. Please, not another one.

Why were they coming more often lately? My cursed anxiety attacks. I was usually able to handle it, but they came now almost everyday for a month. The dread of thinking about it also didn't help.

I knew what was going to happen after these episodes of anxiety. Depression would set in and I would feel hopeless, scared, and lonely.

I desperately searched my side table drawer for my earbuds and put them into my ears. I turned on some music through the Bluetooth of my phone and let it practically burst my eardrums. It was so loud, anyone passing would able to hear it.

The specific song I picked was from one of my favorite bands, Breaking Benjamin. I love the lead singer's voice. It's distinctly different. The music genre of the band is not the typical of what I usually listen to, but they helped me in the past to overcome my anxiety attacks.

It has been a long time, years honestly, for an anxiety attack to come haunt me again. I don't know what has been triggering them lately. And it scares me.

I don't want to be depressed.

I don't want to cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to literally be a zombie of myself.

_Please go away,_ I chanted to myself in my head.

My arms feel tingly and I know it's inevitable. I'll be crying soon.

_Breathe in through the nose._

_Hold it._

_1..2..3..4..5..._

_Breathe out._

"Come on, Rey. You can get through this," I urged myself.

Maybe if I call Finn...

Damn, I can't. He's at work and absolutely no personal calls accepted during his work hours. Should I text him? No, I rather talk to him in person.

I met Finn when he first moved to Jakku. I've lived here for as long as I remember. Alone. Jakku was a shithole, but where else was I going to go? This is the only place I could call home. I didn't know anywhere else. This was familiar to me.

Our first meeting with each other was not pleasant. I met him 3 years ago, when he first moved to Jakku. I was on my own, going through my episodes of anxiety at the time. I wasn't a very pleasant person to be around.

I didn't have a car and walking helped me to calm down sometimes. Apparently, that day, my usual walks were not helping me, at all. The hood I had over my head hindered my peripheral vision as I waited for the crosswalk light to turn green, allowing me to cross the road. When the crosswalk light permitted me to cross, I attempted to step onto the road from the sidewalk, but a rushing car, who wasn't paying attention, passed by almost hitting me. I screamed at it, profanity spilling out from my mouth. The guy driving had his hands up in defeat, portraying he was sorry for not paying attention.

I was on my way to the store to purchase a new hoodie. The one I was already wearing had holes and a tear at the armpit.

After crossing the street, I made my way to the said store. Once inside, I perused the aisles, looking for a new hoodie to purchase. I eyed a jacket, in the men's section, which had a hoodie that detached, if needed. It was the only one on the rack. And it was perfect for me.

I grabbed it off the rack, just to have a hand grab the otherside of the jacket right after. Someone else had their eye on the jacket too.

"Excuse me, I believe I had this jacket first..." I said to the person.

I turned to look at the person with irritation obviously as my expression. It was the same guy that almost hit me with his car!

"You!"

"You!"

We both said it in unison. My eyes wide with surprise, then my anger set in. I glared at him.

"Let go," I told him.

Eventually, he released his hold on the jacket.

"I'm sorry for almost, uh, ya know, at the crosswalk. Here, it's yours. It's the least I can do for what happened," the guy offers. Guilt won him over.

I look at the jacket victoriously. Yes! It was mine!

"Thanks," I smiled triumphantly.

"I'm Finn," he put his hand out, introducing himself.

"Rey," I returned my hand to shake his.

I know it wasn't the most pleasant way of meeting a person, but after the awkwardness died down from the situation that happened with the jacket, Finn and I became friends soon after. He became my best friend over the span of a year. We would have an inside joke between each other about how he intentionally tried to hit me with his car. I haven't had a walk since then. I didn't need to, because my anxiety and loneliness was lessened a great deal, and Finn had a car!

Still, Finn was a loyal and great friend, and he has helped me through some of my anxiety attacks since then. He was the one that taught me the breathing exercises I was trying to do now. Although, there was still bits I had attacks from time to time.

Except now.

It was coming far too often and too close to each other.

I really needed help and I didn't know how to get it.

So, I took a walk. Like I used to. And I kept walking and walking for what felt like forever, with my headphones in, and my hoodie-jacket on, hood up hiding my face. There wasn't anywhere particular to go, but I somehow ended up at Mr. Q's. It was just after 12 pm when I entered the pool hall, it practically being empty, like the very first time Finn and I had came.

I quickly scanned the bar section and only find Ben there, working. I don't see Poe anywhere, to my dissapointment. I was hoping that maybe he'd be around to help me feel better with his uplifting smile. I pulled my hoodie down and made my way to the bar.

"Hi. Can I get a table?" I said, pressing my lips together hard.

"Hey," Ben turns and greets me, observing me.

I don't look him in the eyes. I can't handle being social when I feel so anxious like this.

"Sure. Table 12 is ready for you, sweetheart."

Did he just call me _sweetheart_? Really, Ben? I didn't know he could be corny, too. It's sweet, but still corny. I look up at him then. He has his small grin he only gives to me, because I've never seen him grin to anyone else, ever.

Oh my. This small feat of giving me a simple grin helps, which I didn't expect. Ben places the tray of billiard balls on the bar for me to take.

"Ordering a drink?" Ben asks me, as I grab for the balls.

"It's the afternoon, Ben," I tell him.

"So? You're not driving," he finishes.

"How do you know I'm not driving?" I ask.

"I saw you walking."

"Oh. Well then, sure!"

"What'll it be, then?" Ben asks me.

"Um, what would you suggest?" I return with a question.

I don't drink anything else besides Vodka. I _know_ Vodka. We are great friends. I also love it because it doesn't give me a hangover the next day.

"Tuaca."

"Tu-what?"

"It's a brandy," he states.

"Ok. I'll try it. I trust you."

And there it is. He smiles. Ben graced me, yet again, with a real smile. I had hoped that Poe's smile would have helped me with my mood, but Ben's own smile surpasses beyond what I had hoped for. My mood immediately lifts.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

_I trust you._

I, personally, don't hear a lot of people say those words to me. I am consistenly doubted.

My smile is still there as I pour Rey some Tuaca.

"Want me to start you a tab?" I ask her.

"How much do you think I'm going to drink?!" she has an expression of amusement. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

Now she's teasing me. Cute. Real cute.

"Of course I am. I'm the bartender. It's my job," I tease back.

Rey narrows her eyes at me with a smirk on her lips.

"No tab. Just one drink," she finishes, eyeing me with a tiny grin. "Oh, and an order of onions rings, please."

She takes the billiard balls and makes her way to Table 12. On her way, she goes to the wall where the cue sticks are hung and picks one out of the cupboard mounted there for customers. I watch her as she takes all the balls out, placing them inside the triangle to set them up. I watch her for a moment, just a moment.

Onions rings. Right. I almost forgot she ordered for them.

Rey was a distracting pleasure. This is new. Usually, nothing distracted me.

Soon, the onions are in the fryer. Standing there, watching them fry, I go back to the moment Rey walks in through the door. She looks...distressed. And sad. Why is she so upset? I don't like it.

I speak to her gently, calling her sweetheart. I like her reaction. Then we chat, bantering back and forth. I like talking to Rey. It's...fun. And to keep her smiling, so I don't see that sad look on her face again, I'll do whatever it takes to keep her happy. Even if it means teasing her by calling her sweetheart.

I pull the onions rings out of the fryer and plate it, add a side of ranch and place it at the bar.

"Rey," I call out to her.

She was about to hit the 8-ball into the pocket, then looked towards me. I gesture towards her food and she puts her cue stick on the pool table, making her way to the bar.

"I'm starving!" Rey was giddy.

She sat on the bar stool and dug into her onions rings. I watch her eat. I grab my glass of water closeby and still I watch her. Rey notices while she scarfs her food and then slows down.

"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat?" she says with a mouth full of food.

"Absolutely," I put my water down and cross my arms across my chest.

"Don't watch me eat!" Rey laughs and throws a piece of onion ring batter at me.

I catch and pop it into my mouth, chewing slowly. We just watch each other intently. We've been doing that often lately. What does she see?

"Well hello Rey of sunshine," Poe interrupts us.

Both our heads turn towards Poe. Rey flinches at his greeting, then recovers quickly. I just catch that.

"Hi Poe, how are you?" Rey exhales slowly, her eyes cast down.

"I'm doing better now that you're here," Poe says. I purse my lips at Poe's attempt to flirt with Rey,"What are you doing here? It's early for you," Poe finishes.

Rey is silent for a moment and she's uncomfortable. She squirms in her seat then plays with her onions rings, dipping them into the ranch dressing, but not eating them. She also doesn't meet any of our eyes. She seems to be closing in on herself.

"Um, just wanted to get out, I guess," Rey says.

"Do you want another drink?" I interrupt.

I don't like seeing her like this. It disturbs me.

"Uh no. That's ok. I'm gonna go finish my game," there is no life to her voice.

Rey is not ok. I've seen it when she first came in. Now she's back to it again. I know when someone is silently crying for help. I've been there before and I see the signs.

"Aww. Alright Rey. We'll see you later then?" Poe asks.

Rey nods and puts on a smile that doesn't seem real. Poe walks away to the office. I watch him till he is completely gone from my view. I bend lower to level myself with Rey's eyes.

"Rey, look at me. Are you ok?"

Her lips quiver.

"Shit. You're not ok. Come on," I jump over the bar to land next to her.

Her breathing becomes heavy now and it sounds she's about to start hyperventilating. I bend down to meet her at eye level again.

"Let's go outside."

She stands up, her breathing still heavy, only breathing through her mouth. Her lip is still quivering, but she's trying to hold it in.

"Rey, breathe through your nose," I speak to her softly.

I'm right beside her, my hand on the small of her back, leading her towards the back door. I open it a little too forcefully, the door hitting the wall hard. The cool, brisk air is refreshing, what Rey needs right now.

Once outside, the tears fall and she's sobbing. The heaves of her sobs shake her whole body and her hands are frantic, waving. I grab her hands and she grips them firmly, like I'm a lifeline. Her eyes are shut tightly trying to steady her breathing.

"Rey? Look at me. Open your eyes," I tell her with a calm voice.

She opens them and they are blood-shot red from her tears.

"I'm ok-I'm ok-I'm ok," she seems to be chanting to herself. "Just let me cry and I'll be ok. Just don't leave me alone, please, Ben."

Her voice is so broken. I ache. My chest aches for this broken girl in front of me. I almost lost it to my anger of what caused her to become like this, but Rey needs me right now, and I'm not going to disappoint her. I can't help but pull her to me. I enclose my arms around her and keep her there till she tells me to stop.

"What did he do to you?" I ask her very softly.

Rey lets go. Releases whatever she has been holding in since she arrived. I feel huffs of her breaths against my chest as she weeps uncontrollably now. All I can do is hold her and let her cry it out. Rey grabs onto my shirt with her fists, pulling and wrinkling it, but it has no effect on me what she does to my clothes.

It continues until the fisting at my shirt loosens and her sobs are merely sniffs. I look down at her, pulling her away to survey her. Her eyes are puffy, her nose is red, her lips are a bit swollen. Rey is beautiful.

"Ben."

I'm frozen, as all I can do is watch her. Everytime she says my name, that fluttering in my chest returns.

"Shit, your shirt, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I tell her.

Rey is still in my arms. I don't want to let her go. Not yet. Her eyes look down towards my wrinkled shirt, but I truly don't care.

"It's never been this bad," Rey admits.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her.

I remember when I had mad fits and tantrums, there was anxiety in the beginning. I didn't cry like Rey did, I became angry, feeling anxious. I threw things and broke stuff. That's how I dealt with it. I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to, I had no help. At least I can be of some help to Rey, because I've been there.

Rey looks up at me. The innocent look in her eyes overwhelms me. I have no choice but to release her. I don't need any affirmation from her, I know I just want to be there for her. I turn and walk back into the bar quickly, then into the office to find Poe.

"Poe. Run the bar. I have something important to tend to. I'll be back before the evening shift."

"But Ben-"

I leave without listening to Poe's words. He's the manager, he knows how to handle things without me. Come on, Poe, man up.

I return to Rey. She is busy wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. She sees me and a small grin of hope radiates from her.

"Let's go for a ride," I lead her to my car.

I open the door for Rey, waiting patiently for her to get comfortable in the passenger seat. The sniffles haven't completely subsided, but I can tell she's doing immeasurably better. I close the door for her and make my way to the driver's side. Promptly, I start the car and buckle my seatbelt with a click.

"Where are we going?" Rey asks me as I start to drive.

"Nowhere sounds good, doesn't it?" I tell her.

She nods.

"Thank you, Ben," her words are barely a whisper.

One corner of my lip curves into a smile for her. I keep my eye on the road, but from my peripheral, Rey is watching me.

"Was it...what Poe said?" I hesistate.

" _Rey of sunshine_ ," she says with a look of disgust.

She wasn't scared anymore. She was getting mad.

"Are you sure you-"

"He was my ex-boyfriend. It didn't even last a month, but that last 2 weeks of the relationship was...hell," Rey started.

I couldn't see her face. She was looking out the window as she spoke. She was holding herself together, her arms around herself.

"A month isn't a long time," I said.

"But it's still long enough to have an effect. He hurt me, Ben. Emotionally & physically. He's a manipulative bastard! Maybe he put his hands on me once, but the emotional scars he left were worse."

He put his hands on her. He touched her. He _hurt_ her. If I ever see this piece of shit in my lifetime, he won't have working fingers again. I gripped the steering wheel till my knuckles were white, my nose flaring with my anger burning inside me.

This asshole's outlet was to verbally abuse Rey and put his hands on her. A woman. This petite, beautiul creature. He's a coward. That's not a man.

"He used to call me his _Rey of sunshine_. Now I can't stand to hear it. It disgusts me."

I would have to tell Poe not to call her that again.

"I'll tell him," Rey said.

I looked at her with confusion. Could she read my mind?

"I know what you're thinking, Ben. I can see it all over your face," Rey said.

Was I that readable?

"You deserve better," I turn away from her.

"I know I do. That's why I'm not with him anymore," Rey stated.

"There's more you're not telling me," I said.

The comment of _sunshine_ triggered her, but that was after she came into Mr. Q's. I could see she was on the edge when she came in initially. It wasn't typical for her to come in in the afternoon. Or by herself.

"I don't know why they are coming often as they are. I was able to handle them before."

"Have you gotten help? By a doctor? A therapist?" I asked her.

"No. I never asked for help. I just got by on my own."

We were on the same boat. I never went for help for my anger issues. I kept my mouth shut, because how can I be of assistance when I didn't get help for myself?

"I have-" I started, but wasn't sure if I wanted to share this with Rey just yet.

"Animosity?" Rey finished for me. I huffed at her response.

"You can say that."

I am a bitter, angry, hostile person.

"Why?" Rey asked me.

"Mommy and daddy issues," I was being honest.

"They aren't in your life?" Rey asked me, sympathy exuding from her.

"Not exactly. They were around, but _weren't_ around when I needed them growing up," that's all I was going to give up to Rey.

"At least you had parents. They were around and gave a damn about you," Rey said with acid in her voice.

I looked at her again, noticing her lips were turned down into a frown. When she looked at me, she removed the expression and bit her lip to hide her bitterness.

Different situations, but we were the same. I felt a connection with Rey at that moment. Because she was just like me. Lonely.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3: Walks

**Chapter 3: Walks**

_**(ReyPOV)** _

Finn didn't even know the whole story of my life before I met him. He didn't know the reasons behind my anxiety attacks. Or how I was lonely. It didn't cross my mind to tell him after I met him. He filled that void of friendship I always wanted. Just friendship. I didn't feel any other type of way for Finn other than that. He still is my greatest friend, helping me with my anxiety attacks as best as he can. I'm blessed to have him in my life. Though, there was still big pieces of something missing in me.

I thought my ex-boyfriend, "Army", had filled that voided space for love. Armitage Hux, handsome in his own way. He was confident, sweet, and tender when I met him. When we made our relationship official, he called me his Rey of sunshine. I loved the attention he was giving me, holding me close, kissing me like I've never been kissed before. Looking at me like I was important.

But it was all a lie.

I thought I was in love. After 2 weeks. 2 weeks! I thought Army was wonderful, giving me what I longed for, so I thought I was in love. He filled that emptiness in me I always felt. Army told me what I wanted to hear, whispering sweet words to me. Until I told him I loved him. That's when things changed. There was arguing, insisten disagreementss, aggressiveness. I was blamed for every fight we had, that it was my fault, that it was me for putting myself in this situation. And it worked, because I felt guilty for my indiscretions.

After 2 additional weeks of constant arguing, of Army filling my head up with manipulative words, one full month had already passed. He became so angry, his face red hot, placing his hands around my throat. When he squeezed and I gasped for air, my instincts kicked in and I rammed my knee into his groin.

He bent over from the excruciating pain and he cursed me. How could words so hurtful come from the same person who gave me lovely words before? I ran out of his place and never saw him again. I don't know if Army searched for me after that, but I thought kicking him in the balls was a definite I'm breaking up with you message clear enough for him to understand.

Ben was right, 1 month didn't seem like a long enough time to feel the effects of abuse, but it doesn't matter. Abuse is abuse. I'm just glad I got out of that mess before I permanent physical scars.

Ben was going through his own demons. It made more sense to me why he seemed so angry all the time. I didn't condone to his violent measures I've witnessed at Mr. Q's, but maybe I could help him, as he tried to help me. Maybe we could try to help each other.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked Ben after we just drove around aimlessly, no particular place to go.

"I like to drive when my anger rises. I thought maybe it would help you too," he told me.

"I take walks."

Ben nodded.

"Maybe you can take a walk with me next time," I tell him.

"Next time what?" he asks.

"Next time one of us has an episode."

"Ok," he agrees with a goofy grin on his lips.

"Good. Now take me back to Q's. I want to finish my onion rings," I say, my mood completely lifting from before.

"It's probably not even good anymore," he says. "Let me take you somewhere to get some food."

"No, it's ok, Ben, really. I'm fine with the onion rings," I tell him.

"Rey? Are we going to argue about me buying you food?"

"Yes! Please don't buy me food when I can pay for it. You've done enough for me already."

"But I want to," Ben says.

"Why is it so easy to talk to you?" I say, out of nowhere, changing the subject.

Ben shrugs as he drives.

It's true. Talking to Ben has become so easy to me. From the moment I broke through that wall the other night. I've never heard anyone converse so much with him about anything. Not even Poe.

"Must be my incredible personality," I flutter my eyelashes at him jokingly.

Ben laughs. It's the greatest sound I've heard in a long time. And it does something to my insides. We sit in silence, the motor of his car filling the silence between us. I flip on the radio of his car to see what he's listening to.

"Might want to turn it down. It's pretty loud," he says before the music starts to blare loudly from the speakers.

_I feel diseased_

_Is there no sympathy, from the sun_

_The sky's still fire_

_But I am safe in here, from the world outside_

"What is this?" I practically shout over the music.

"It's Finch," he simply states.

"I like it."

"Me too," Ben jokes, giving me that smirk.

"Well duh, Captain Obvious!" I laugh. "Do you think we can just go back to Q's after?" I finally finish.

"Ok," he confirms.

And that's how our conversations plays out. They are easygoing. Joking and teasing back and forth, of course, but I feel so comfortable with him, around him. I feel safe. We talk about anything and nothing while we cruise around Jakku. Soon, the sun is starting to set and we unfortunately have to make our way back to Mr. Q's for the busy evening shift.

When we both walk back in through the back door, we catch Poe struggling to run the register and tend the bar. My onion rings still sit at the bar, soggy and old. I take it and put it in the trash, handing Ben the dishes to put away. He automatically goes back to tending the bar.

"Where have you been, Ben?" Poe asks incredulously. "It's been hours!"

"Therapy."

I almost snorted. Almost. I try to keep my smile from Poe, turning around, hiding my face. I chance a look at Ben and his expression is completely blank. How does he do that? He's so good at keeping a straight face at a time like this.

"Therapy? I need therapy right now, after you left me to run this place by myself! Damn it, Ben! Pour me a drink, will ya?" Poe was whining.

Ben shakes his head and pours him two fingers of whiskey. Poe takes it and downs it immediately. The line behind the register start to crowd and Ben continues to fill drink orders. Soon there is a bigger crowd at the bar and Ben is getting backed up with orders.

"We really need to hire a waitress," Poe complains again.

"You can do it," Ben says, looking at me for a second, then continues working.

"Sure. Yeah, I can help," I tell them.

"Really? Great! Can you start now?" Poe says, relieved. "All you have to do is take orders and Ben can fill it. I can take care of the payments and-"

"No, I got it, Poe. I used to waitress a few years back."

"This is great! Thank you so much, Rey," Poe hands are together, as in prayer, thanking me.

"Yes, thank you, Rey," Ben finishes with a crooked smile.

"No problem, guys. I got this," I tell them, tying a short apron around my waist that Ben hands me.

I agreed to waitress for them. It was a spur of the moment thing and you know what? It felt good. The tips were going to be very helpful, since I had a crappy minimum wage job at the gas station I worked at anyway. This would keep me occupied during the nights when I felt lonely. And... I would be around Ben. My new favorite person.

"We'll work out the paperwork later, after we close. Or tomorrow if it's easier for you," Ben says as he puts some clean glasses away.

"Tomorrow might be better. I have to work in the morning," I tell him.

"Oh, my Rey of sun-" Poe starts.

I cut him off before he even finishes.

"DON'T!" I cry out loudly.

A few people turn their heads at my loud admonition. Poe's eyes are wide with shock. I breathe in a big deep breath.

"Poe, please, don't call me that again. It brings back bad memories I wish to suppress, ok?" I say calmly.

"I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't mean to upset you," Poe says, looking defeated.

Ben stands still, listening to us. He pauses from working, standing idly by, observing both of us. He's so tense.

"It's alright. You didn't know."

With that understanding, everthing continues as they did before. The awkwardness disappears. Ben's tenseness dissolves and I can see him relax. I proceed to take orders in a fast, comfortable pace. I do enjoy working, it keeps my mind busy. Especially the day I've had. I chitchat with the regulars that I became acquainted with, as I was a regular myself. With the regulars in mind, it reminded me that I needed to tell Finn of my whereabouts.

"Can I get take a break, boss?" I tell Ben.

"Don't call me that."

"Ok, then, Sir."

"No, Rey."

"Mr. Ben, then?" I can't hide my smile. I do love to tease Ben.

"Just Ben is fine, sweetheart."

I shut my mouth. He renders me speechless. I bit my lip.

"Does that bother you?" Ben studies me.

I shake my head, with a smile.

"Then take your break," Ben orders.

"Thank you...Ben."

He gives me his usual nod, silently thanking me, with his small smile I'm beginning to love.

* * *

_Five months later..._

I have feelings for Ben.

It's been building for months, working closely with him. The feeling are the same characteristics I felt when I realized I was crushing on Poe, but this felt immensely different. It feels like so much more than a crush. There is this pull towards Ben, as we were magnets attracting towards each other. We had moments of silence where we would completely understand each other, without a word muttered.

But...

I don't want to mess our friendship up. I rather stay friends than have my feelings destroy what I cherish with him. I felt very relaxed and comfortable around Ben. It was a different feeling I haven't encountered before. He listens, and comforts, and was just there. He gave a damn, when he normally didn't give a damn about anything else. He treated me as if he cared.

Ben and I hung out...a lot. We understood each other. He got me and I got him. We were like equal parts of a whole. Our friendship was perfect. We didn't judge each other, we didn't argue. And when he was with me, he was a different person. I only saw sweetness in him and the sarcastic humor he threw at every angle, but I loved that about him. He was _My_ Ben. My best friend.

The infatuation with Poe entirely left my system. It was just a phase, that I'm thankful for. I felt like a high school girl fawning over a handsome face. Now I just saw him as one of my colleagues and good friend.

The situation I had with Army had my thinking of entering into any intimate relationship differently. I wasn't going to fall or obssess over a goodlooking man quickly, like I did with him. Or sweet nothings that turned into lies. That's what got me in trouble in the first place. My goal from now on was to get a feel for them. Read them carefully, like a book. Find out their flaws and qualities. Weaknesses and strengths. Basically, they, themselves, would be a resume to have my heart. This way, I won't pick a violent maniac or liar. I would avoid hurting myself altogether.

I have been working with Mr. Q's for months now & I was enjoying it, despite the hectic busy nights on the weekends. Sometimes there was beef between patrons with each other. Alcohol being the biggest catalyst to it. They had hired a couple more hands to help at the entrance. Security or bouncers, to keep the peace, and to check ID's.

Finn also joined the family at Mr. Q's, as another waiter. Poe was a happy camper with all the new hirees, picking up the responsibilities he and Ben had to endure themselves. Ben stayed as the bartender, since he enjoyed doing it.

Since we've joined as employees, the bad arguments between Poe and Ben have been very few. I was glad for it because I hated seeing Ben angry. He was protective of me, but I was also protective of him. He just didn't know it. At one of their squabbles, I went to Ben's aid, comforting him the best I could.

I did what I said I was going to do. I took him on walks.

And we did. With that, nothing was broken. No ill words were exchanged between Poe and Ben. No waste of spending funds on broken supplies. Ben and I had called it "therapy". And Poe wasn't going to argue with our tact of "therapy", if it meant Ben was thoroughly calmed down.

I felt like I had a family at Mr. Q's. A place where I felt I belonged. My friends were here. And I didn't feel alone

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

I felt like my life was monotonous, until I moved to Jakku. It was dull of color, to say the least. I had lived in Coruscant, which was busy with life, but it was repetitive obscuration. Life growing up became empty when my parents didn't give me the attention, affection, and love I had expected as a child. I felt I was neglected by my father, who wasn't there, busy with his profession as a stockbroker. He loved and married my mother, Leia, but my father was also married to his job. Absent at the most important times of his son's life, which was most of the time, forced me to be bitter. Han Solo wasn't a deadbeat father, he was just wasn't there.

My mother was different. She had a busy life before meeting my father, working for the government. She was attentive, but mostly to groom me as to be the son of a soon-to-be Senator. Private schools, private lessons for curricular activities, such as music, martial arts, art, etc. All to keep me busy while she was attentive more to her goals of becoming a representative of Coruscant. To say the least, I barely saw my mother growing up either. Tutors, friends of the family, or nannies were her replacement during her absence.

After becoming an adult, they were ultimately interested in what was to become of me in the future. Regularly prodding me to follow in either line of their work. I was not interested. There had been anger issues from my earlier days as a tween boy, which was the result from the neglect from both parents. I had lashed out, throwing tantrums and become a violent nuisance, using my vast knowledge of profanity at a young age. This, however, didn't grant me any attention I was seeking from my parents. They had handed me off to the professionals they paid to deal with me instead.

I was lonely as a child. I was lonely growing up. The few joys I remember growing up was the short vacations I had with both parents, visiting my father's closest friends Uncle Lando and Uncle Chewie. Apparently, they were the reason they started a whirlwind romance. My cousin Poe had joined us sometimes. His presence, though, had lessened over the years at these vacations. For the time I had known my uncles, they showed me some affection. Uncle Chewie taught me how to drive, alongside my father. They had appreciation for old, vintage cars. Uncle Lando showed me how to play the billiards table. My father wasn't very happy when I beat him half of the time, my mother finding great amusement in it.

They were not many, but enough great memories to last me my lifetime. My mother's smile and laugh, my father's joy in old cars, short but joyful vacations at Naboo. Those times I was honestly happy.

When I was met at the age to be an adult and attend college, I chose a school to study business. It was difficult, but it had initially kept me busy. It taught me the fundamental aspects of accounting, finance, marketing, human resources, etc. I did not have the refined knack of being social, which associated with human resources, but I had dealt with it over the years. Everything else fell into place for me. Or maybe it was determination that I start my own business, because it would be all I had.

Poe had come into the picture soon after I attempted to open a pool hall at Coruscant. It wasn't difficult with my parents being well off to pay for my college, then a small amount to help jumpstart my business. I didn't feel guilty taking their offer, as they evidently didn't offer anything else I desired.

The amount of work I put into starting my own small business in Coruscant took all my free time to be social. Or date. Eventually, my business, Mr. Q's opened, but was shortlived after the persistent competition of another pool hall stole my customers without guilt. I was disappointed and devastated, but was determined to try again. Only in a different location they were not interested venturing to.

With my enthusiasm to start again, and flat out luck, Mr. Q's was very successful in Jakku.

Poe joined me, become somewhat of a partner. He was the only family I could socialize with on a daily basis, since we were closer in age. Plus, the happy memories I had, since he was there at some of them, helped to be friends with him. Although, my stubborness and issues with anger didn't help. We constantly argued and disagreed. Still, he was the closest family member I had to anything else.

Mr. Q's in Jakku became my home. My sanctuary. It opened the doors to what I had missing in Coruscant. Success and surprisingly, friendship. With this friendship I had with Rey, I had a break in my world of resentment. In my world of dark, she was light. Light brought on vibrant and vivid colors I have not seen before. With shadows of darkness blinding me most of my life, I almost didn't see it when I met Rey.

It was a small beam at first, but it brightened like a sun, making everything I saw much more clearer. It diminished most of the darkness within me. If I had her in my life everyday, maybe I wouldn't go back to the same pitch black hole I was wallowing in.

Rey would be upset if I truly did tell her she was like a _rey of sunshine_ to my life. I didn't want that dark past of her own to upset her. I would do anything to not upset her. At a time, I felt like I was a lifeline to her. And I was, I am, to whenever she needs me. Always. What she doesn't know is that she is _my_ lifeline. She is my _rey of light_ , shining the way to my happiness.

Rey will know one day. I will tell her how important she is to me. Not now. My happiness would wait. I was content with the way things were as long as she was around me. With me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you have noticed, the characters are somewhat out of character. I love the love and bond between Ben and Rey, so I tried to keep that as close as I could to what their character originally are. I was going at a different angle though, to as how they fell into the bond, into eventually... you know what I mean.
> 
> The song I mention in this chapter is by Finch - What It Is To Burn
> 
> Read, review, & comment! Would love to hear what you think of this so far.


	4. Chapter 4: Unwanted Reunion

_**(ReyPOV)** _

The machine underneath me roared, the RPM's revving high, as I push it to high numbers. I change gears and the speeds I push my bike is exhilirating. My helmet didn't do much to muffle out the engine noise. The wind sounds of air hitting my helmet pass my ears loudly, combined with the engine noise. Regardless, it doesn't bother me. It's the thrill of the speed.

I weave through traffic, revelling the power of my Honda CM400, between my legs. I love the power. The bike was perfect for me. Apparently, I did some research on it to obtain as much information I could about this model. My size, small and petite as it may be, would be able to handle it's power. They said it was a "good starter bike". Part of the gas station I worked at during the day, had a garage. I found the bike in almost nonoperable condition. It had been left there, forgotten, abandoned. I took interest in it, after finding it.

During the day, I had some time to fix the motorcycle back into working order. The original owner felt it a burden to keep and had gifted it to me as long as I took it off his hands. I only paid for parts that were needed. The pay at the gas station didn't give me much extra money to pay for the parts, but since working at Mr. Q's, with the tips and another paycheck, I had it running in no time. I love that bike.

As I am approaching a traffic light, I stop behind a black, sleek car. The engine of my bike idling as I set one foot on the road to steady my "baby". I take in all my surroundings, paying attention to the stop light, looking forward.

_BMW 330i_

I freeze. Horror automatically chilling me to my bones. The car. I know that car.

Shit. SHIT.

I feel it. My arms usually have a subtle tingling sensation when I had an oncoming anxiety attack, but the immediate envelopment of pins and needles stabbing at my skin, is too distinctly familiar. The panic I remembered when I was being choked, came flooding back. I suddenly feel hot, the heat rushing to my face, neck and arms. I feel an uncomfortable tug at my core. I want to hug myself.

_Red hair. SHIT._

I recognize the red hair peeking out from above the headrest of the car. I have to slow my breathing down. This is dangerous. I'll start to hyperventilate, breathing through my mouth, then fog up my helmet. Then I won't be able to see and...

_"Breathe through your nose, Rey,"_ I think to myself.

I take a deep breath through my nose, then out slowly through my mouth. I'm glad he can't see me, see my face, as I'm wearing a helmet.

_Breathe in. Hold it. 1..2..3..4..5.. Breathe out._

The lane to the right of the BMW is clear, I take it, not bothering to signal. I cut a car off in the process of turning into the lane and it honks angrilyat me. Then I gun it down the road. My speed is reaching high numbers again, as I race towards work. When I see the lit up sign of _Mr. Q's,_ I feel safer. Still, my panic attack is there and it's a miracle that I made it to work without losing control of myself.

I turn into the parking lot, park in my usual spot, killing the engine and kicking the kickstand down simultaneously. I practically rip the helmet off my head and gulp in fresh air. I'm gasping, which catches the attention of our Bouncers, Baze and Chirrut, by the entrance.

"Rey?" Chirrut calls out to me. "Hey! Slow down!"

Chirrut was my coworker and had seen me arrive everytime I came into work. Always making sure I was ok. He would go so far as to walk out to the parking lot to meet me, greet me with a hug, then escort me into work.

Loud chirps of car tires braking surprise me, making me jump. Chirrut hadn't been speaking to me. He wasn't yelling at me to slow down. He had addressed the driver that stopped abruptly between Chirrut and I, taking up the space where he wanted to walk. This driver obviously didn't care how recklessly he was driving through a small parking lot. My back faced the car, but I had an idea that Chirrut was irked by the jerk driver.

"Excuse me, I had a question about your motorcycle."

Shit.

That voice. I squeeze my eyes shut.

" _Rey of sunshine_ ," he drawled out my nickname slowly.

SHIT.

Chirrut was making his way around the car to check on me. He sensed that I wasn't fine, he didn't have to see to know. I turned around then and was face to face with Army. My ex.

"Oh my gawd," I whisper.

"Indeed. It's nice to see you again, sunshine," Army says.

"Don't call me that," my voice broke, when I was trying to be strong. "You need to leave, _right now!"_

"But I haven't seen you in years. Don't you miss me?" Army taunted.

"You're not welcome here. Leave!" I yell at him.

Chirrut places himself between me and Army, blocking both our visions. Chirrut grasps me, putting me in his arms while trying to walk me away from the BMW.

"Come on, Rey. Let's go inside,"

"Hey! I'm still talking to her!" Army sneers at Chirrut.

"Not anymore," Chirrut states sternly.

"Leave me alone!" I yell at Army.

My tears are falling, hot and angry. Chirrut and I make our way around the hood of Army's car, walking quickly towards the entrance. When I chance a glance at Army, he is smirking at me. His eyes are ominous. Then he blows a kiss at me. We walk inside Mr. Q's & I squeeze my eyes shut again, doing my best to block the image of his eyes when he smirks at me. A sob escapes me and I feel Chirrut's arms release me. Suddenly, large strong hands pull me into a firm embrace. I open my eyes and see the tall broad shadow of Ben. I feel myself breaking down in his arms.

"What's the matter, Rey?!" Ben's worried tone could not be missed.

The squealing of tires echo in the parking lot. Army takes off quickly, leaving Baze to yell after him to slow down again, just as Chirrut had earlier, but adding an expletive insult.

I couldn't speak, I was panicking. I held onto Ben for dear life, feeling safer in my best friend's arms. I bawled , covering my eyes with my hands, letting all the tension go.

"What happened?" Poe is beside us now, wondering what the commotion was about.

"Sweetheart, what happened?" Ben's voice is calm, repeating the question.

"He's gone, Rey. You're ok now," Chirrut confirms.

"Let's take her to the office," Poe proposes.

Ben escorts me, one arm around my shoulder, holding me close. I place my head against his hard chest, listening to his erratic heartbeat. He's worried. Once in the office, Ben leads me to the lounge chair. I sit down and blink rapidly, just to have more tears fall.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Ben asks, anger clipping his words.

"Who?" Poe was clueless.

"My ex-boyfriend," I tell him.

"What did he say to you?" Ben asks, his nostrils flaring, his lips in a tight line.

I see his hands fist hard, then release. He repeats the opening and closing of his fists a few times. Ben's anger is rising quickly.

Explaining everything from the stoplight, to Army following me to the parking lot had been easy. The rest, of what Army said to me, and how he said it was the difficult part. And the way he looked at me, I couldn't even imagine trying to explain that. Poe knelt down to rub my back, ordering a new employee, a new bartender, to grab me some whiskey. Two fingers, just the way he preferred it. I drink it fast, hoping it will calm me down.

"The way he looked at me..." I finished, shaking my head. I couldn't say anymore.

The expression Army held was disturbing. How the hell did I feel like I loved this man at one time?

"What did he want?" Ben asked. He crossed his arms, making him look large and intimidating.

"I-I don't know. He was trying to ask me about my bike, I think," I said. "I don't think he realized it was me until after I took my helmet off."

Poe handed me a tissue from the office desk. I wipe my tears and nose.

"Do you need another drink, Rey?" Poe asks, giving me a sympathetic smile.

I shake my head. I needed water. I tell him and he raises from his position, leaving the room to get me a glass of water.

"If he comes here again..." Ben is furious.

He sits down on the office chair, rolls it over to position himself in front of me and takes my hands. I had them clasped together tightly.

"Rey, if he comes here again, I'll-" Ben starts, his eyes wide. I shake my head at him.

"You aren't going to do a thing, Ben," Poe interrupts, walking back into the office with a glass of water. "Churry and Baze will take care of it if he comes back again."

"Promise me, you won't get in trouble because of my ex-boyriend, if he comes back, Ben. He's not worth it. You know that," I tell him, grabbing his hands with mine. "But thank you," I tell him.

A grateful smile are my lips and he relaxes, some of the tension leaving from his body. I am flattered that my friends care about me so much. Chirrut, Baze, Poe and Ben. How did I get so lucky to find friends like them? Poe walks to me, giving me a friendly kiss to the crown of my head. I smile.

"You're well taken care of here, Rey," he comforts me, rubbing my back. "Don't worry."

"Thank you, Poe," I respond. Poe walks out of the office, leaving me and Ben alone.

"Are you going to be ok?" Ben asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, I will be," I say softly, releasing his hands I didn't realize I was still holding.

"If you need anything, you call me," Ben is serious. He releases my hands, but not before squeezing them gently.

"Can I get another whiskey?" I smile, teasing.

Ben rolls his eyes.

There he is. _My_ Ben. My playful, sarcastic, best friend.

"Nope, sorry. We're all out," Ben says, standing up to push the office chair back to the desk.

"Wha-? Fine then. I'll just get a vodka for myself then," I stand.

"Noooo. Sit, sit, sit. Relax for a minute. Drink your water," Ben points towards the lounge chair.

"So _bossy_ ," I tell him, relaxing on the chair, jesting.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

I wanted to throw something. I wanted to punch the wall. I wanted to yell and fucking cuss and... and... I needed to release the anger that was edging at the borders of my control.

I couldn't though. I needed to keep it in, for Rey's sake. She was having a breakdown and she needed comforting. I felt a swell of pride, realizing that hiring Chirrut and Baze as a good decision. They took care of the situation and of Rey, when she needed help.

When I heard Rey's outburst at someone outside, I raced to see what was happening. She sounded hysterical. When I approached the entrance, Chirrut had a panicked Rey in his arms and I took over, placing her in mine. I almost panicked feeling her shaking in my arms. I squeezed her tightly, hoping my envelopment of my embrace would calm her down.

Then like a switch, her demeanor changes, springing to sarcasticness. After all the explanations. She sensed my anger, then concern. I knew Rey. She changed her demeanor for my sake, because I was angry, my control almost slipping.

Why did she flip, just like that? I was suppose to be comforting her, but she changes the mood to sarcasm, only to try and comfort me discreetly.

"What kind of car was it again?" I asked Rey, standing at the doorway.

"BMW 330i. Black," Rey confirms.

"Ok. Did you happen to catch the license plate number?"

"I already know it," Rey says, sipping her water. "It's IMARMTG."

I paused. I had to think at what Rey just told me.

"...what did you say?"

Rey repeated herself. "It's IMARMTG."

Son of a bitch.

"Rey. Armitage Hux is your ex-boyfriend?" My hand can't help express itself as my anger snaps me, holding it out in front of me, frozen in midair.

"You know him?" Rey's eyes were wide with shock.

I didn't have to shake or nod my head. Rey full well knew I was in full anger mode. I was livid.

I punch the door, denting and cracking it. Everyone in the bar whipped their head to see me explode.

"Ben!" Rey rises from the chair, closing in on me.

"Don't. It's too late. It's out now," I tell her firmly. She knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I don't listen to what anyone else is saying. The ringing in my ears is almost deafening. My adrenaline is rushing and it's overwhelming. I need to get out of here. I rush towards the back of the pool hall back door.

"Ben. Ben!" Rey says, following me.

"That SON OF A BITCH!" I yell once I'm out the back door. Rey is right behind me.

"How do you know him?" Rey makes a stand right in front of me. A dangerous place to be right now, but I know my Rey. Nothing intimidates her. Not until tonight, when Armita-... Army?

"You call him Army," I stated.

"Yes. I didn't like saying his whole name. It's too long," Rey stated uncomfortably.

My hand scrubs my face, pausing over my mouth. I start grit my teeth.

"Small fucking world."

"You think?" Rey sneers.

An empty wood pallet rests sideways against the wall of the building. I'm boiling with anger and that's the only object I can see nearby that I can break. I pick at it, pulling one of the boards off, grunting with frustration at it.

"Stop, Ben!" Rey's voice is loud, her arms out in front of her.

I ignore her and finally detach one of the boards on the pallet. I proceed to swing carelessy at the ground with it, every grunt, grumble, and expletive word comes out of my mouth.

"Calm down, Ben! Talk to me!" Rey is yelling over me.

"Ben! Dude! What are you doing, man?" Poe shows up outside.

"He hurt her, Poe!" I screamed. "That sonofabitch!"

I throw the pallet board, chucking it down the alleyway. My breathing is out of control, my hair disarray, falling over my eyes. I flip my hair and put my hands on my hips. I felt immeasurably better after venting some of my hatred out on the ground.

"Get a hold of yourself, Ben. Who did?" Poe asks.

"Hux."

Poe deadpans. Then realization hits, from the name I just uttered.

"You used to date, asshole Hux?" Poe turns to Rey.

"Yes."

Poe's voice is softer now. Putting two-and-two together. Poe read the face of a mentally broken girl, giving her a soft hug.

"And he hurt you," was all Poe said. "When did this happen?"

"Maybe 3 years ago," Rey says quietly.

"He's banned from coming near this place. We have vandalism charges against him. He won't be able to- " Poe states.

"That won't stop him," I tell him firmly, interrupting.

"The cameras will prove that he was here, Ben," Poe retorts.

"What did he vandalize?" Rey asks, leaving Poe's comforting hug.

"I used to have a pool hall in Coruscant," I tell Rey. "It wasn't open very long after word was out that I was competition for them. They bribed my customers, vandalized it, and destroyed its reputation. I had to close down."

I sat down on the ground, leaning against the building. My arms resting on my knees. I could see my right knuckles swollen from the punch to the door. I honestly didn't feel any pain right now. I inspected the inside of my hands, where it was dirty from the wood I held in it just a few minutes ago. I rub my hands together, starting to feel the discomfort from holding the wood so tightly.

"Army vandalized it," was all Rey said.

I nodded my head.

"If he comes back, we have cameras to use as proof that Hux is violating his probation period. And there are witnesses," Poe looks at Rey. "He was charged hefty fines because the cost of the damage in Coruscant, but was given the chance to bring his felony down to a misdemeaner if he successfully completed his probationary period. _If_ he didn't voliate it."

Poe told Rey the whole spiel and past between Armitage and I. Armitage had been one of the goons for Sid E. Yuss, the owner for _Snokie's._ Sid had Armitage scope my pool hall out in Coruscant those many years ago, after it had opened. I had seen him, feigning as a customer. Only to find out he was becoming acquainted with my customers to bribe them with VIP passes and sometimes money to go to _Snokie's_ instead.

"But he violated it, didn't he? By showing up here?" Rey asked. There was hope in her eyes.

"I don't think he realized it till he got here, but yes," I tell her. "He screwed himself over."

"He saw you, Ben," Poe was deep in thought. "I saw him take off, right after you showed up to the front. You spooked him."

"I'll take a look at the cameras, see if we have anything to use," I tell them, standing up.

This information, this proof would be useful to me. I would use it to my advantage if there was a point I needed it. It would get Armitage off of Rey's back, as long as she was here at work. She was safer here. It would also be enough validation that Armitage violated his probation and brand him a felon.

"He's a monster. Even before I met him," Rey eyes scanned everywhere else except my and Poe's eyes.

The information was becoming too much for her. Awareness of what type of person Armitage Hux was. She put her arms around herself.

"Come on. Let's all get a drink. We clearly need it," I offered, waiting for Poe and Rey to go inside before me.

I looked left then right into the night of the alleyway behind Mr. Q's. When I forwarded to go inside the back door, Rey was still there, watching me. Her expression was of concern. For me? The situation? The news she just received? Maybe all of it. Rey stepped slowly toward me and wrapped her small arms around my waist. When I didn't move, she took my arms and places them around her.

"I'm ok, if you're ok," she says softly against me.

I place a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"For now." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did that sound convincing enough?! I tried to do as much research into trying to sound the laws, probations, court orders, whatever mumbo jumbo I need to make it sound convincing. I also know nothing about motorcycles except that they go vroom vroom. Oh, I love Google. lol.


	5. Chapter 5: Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Chapter 4...
> 
> "I'm ok, if you're ok," she says softly against me.
> 
> I place a chaste kiss on her forehead.
> 
> I'm ok. For now.

_**(ReyPOV)** _

I didn't want to go home. I was scared. I felt safe at Mr. Q's, but who knew what would happen once I was out those doors, on my own, going home? Army knew where I lived. If he comes to me while I'm home alone, what the hell do I do?

Ben was worried of the aftermath too. For my safety. He knew what Army was like and he wanted to protect me at all costs.

Finn seems to always miss the drama that I've been endured in. He usually shows up an hour after me, to work. My shift started during the busy evening hours, at 5pm, it ending at 12pm. He would come in after an hour, closing down the pool hall with other employees. He only worked part-time on the weekends with me, since he already had a solidified occupation that paid him well during the day. I still worked part time during the weekdays, only in the evenings.

The newest bartender, Cassian, was able to fill in for Ben, when he needed time off. Which was Sundays. The only day he allowed himself to take off. Ben still worked though, catching up on ordering supplies, food, liquor, and payroll. Taking care of the business part of his job. Sometimes I wondered what the hell Poe did.

When Finn arrived at work, I still haven't even began working yet. Ben wouldn't let me. Poe covered my spot until more help came. We filled Finn on what happened and he kept an additional eye on me for the rest of the evening. Ben made sure I was stuck behind the bar, with Cassian. Ben had occupied his time to look through the cameras, searching for what we needed.

Cassian was quite tight lipped at first. Older than any of us at Mr. Q's, being in his late 50's or so. Handsome. He didn't speak much until he mentioned that I reminded him of his wife, Jyn, when they had met. He told me some history of his and Jyn's life together. Unfortunately, they were never able to have kids. For the most part. I enjoyed his companion splendidly.

Cassian showed me a few cocktail recipes. I picked up quickly and soon I was assisting him make drinks for the remainder of my shift. I never left the bar, and if I did, Ben made sure to have someone right by my side. Finn was more than happy to be inseperable from my hip.

When my shift if over, Ben approaches me, which is the only times he comes out of the office.

"You're not staying home. Do you have anyone you can stay with for now?" he asks.

"She can stay with me," Finn offered.

"Really, Finn? Thank you!" I hug my friend.

"No problem, Peanut. As long as you're safe," Finn finishes.

"Ok. This is the plan. I take you home, you pack, we come back here." Ben planned.

"Sounds good," I tell him.

"I should be done by the time you come back," Finn says.

I nod in agreement.

"Whenever you're ready," Ben looks at me.

I'm apprehensive to leave at first, but then remember that Ben is with me. We exit through the back of the pool hall, where Ben's car is parked. Once in his car, I start a list in my head of what I need to pack.

"What are you doing?" Ben is smirking, glancing at me while he drives.

"Huh?"

"The face you're making," Ben teases. "You look constipated."

"Oh shut up," I playfully smack his arm. It's like swiping the back of my hand against a rock.

Nonetheless, he cowers like it actually hurt. _Please._ Ben is playing with me. He's trying to lighten the mood.

"Just get me home, Grandpa."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Ben looks at me incredulously.

"You're driving like 35mph," I tell him, trying to hold my giggle in.

Ben looks at the speedometer, bending his down to look around the steering wheel. "I am not!"

"This is just more proof that you're a grandpa, Grandpa!" I switch his stereo on and Bob Seger's voice fills the car.

"Rey, this is a classic. Metallica did their own version because it's just that amazing," Ben tells me.

I motion with my hands that he's talking too much, rolling my eyes, as my hand opens and closes, like a puppet talking. Ben just shakes his head, an amused smile on his face. Then I giggle. I give him the directions to my home, as we chat comfortably with each other.

"I didn't know you had a motorcycle," Ben tells me.

"Yeah, I was able to get it running. I just finished about 2 weeks ago."

"Impressive," Ben says.

"I know, I'm amazing," I joke.

"Yes, you are, sweetheart," Ben puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes softly. He doesn't bother to move it and I smile at his affectionate gesture.

His hand is humungous compared to my thigh. His fingers long and strong, the palm wide. I lift his hand from my thigh and study it. Ben has working hands. There just enough roughness to it that reveals that he uses his hands a lot to work. I turn it over again and lightly brush my fingertips on the swollen knuckles.

"Does it hurt?" I ask him, turning my head to look at his profile.

His lips are full, from what I can see from his silhouette. They are still, as he thinks over the words to say. He shakes his head instead.

"Don't lie, Ben."

Ben looks at me, looking away from the road, "I would never lie to you, Rey."

I sigh and turn away from him, looking out the passenger window, watching the world pass by outside it. We are almost to my apartment and I tell him that we'd have to walk. He asks me why and I tell him that the parking spot is not big enough to park his clunker hooptie. He just states that it's also a classic. Once parked, I lead him to my apartment.

Usually, unlocking my door consists of a silly routine of jiggling the handle of my door lock, kicking it a few times to get the door to unstuck. I had complained to the landlord of my sticky door, but nothing has been done about it. The door opens easily for me tonight. Hm. Maybe they did fix it recently. Ben follows me inside and closes the door behind him. I turn on the light in the kitchen and tell him to get comfortable while I pack. Ben looks around my small apartment, viewing the sparsity of things I own.

"Let me get my suitcase," I start heading to my bedroom.

It's pitch black in there and I switch the light on. Nothing. No light.

"Damn it," I curse.

"Something wrong?" Ben calls from my living room.

"No, it's just the light's-"

Cold hands cover my mouth.

I can feel the blood drain my face as fear hits me. Someone's in my bedroom. An intruder. My instincts kick in and I elbow the intruder. It gains me an "oof" from the stranger and I automatically recognize the voice. It barely hurts him, only catching him offguard.

_Oh no._

Now I am in full panic mode again, freezing from hearing his voice. He whispers in my ear.

"Tell him to wait in the car, sunshine," Army whispers into my ear.

His hands are forceful against my mouth and I breathe heavy breaths through my nose. His face is so close to mine. I whine into his hand and he shakes me, urging me to be quiet, or else.

"Rey?" Ben calls out to me again.

Army underestimates me, assuming I will listen to his commands. He releases the hold on my mouth and I take this second to scream for Ben.

"BEN!"

Army completely releases me from his hold, backhanding me against the side of my head. I collapse onto my bed and my head throbs painfully. I groan from the pain and lose focus of time for a moment. I'm dizzy, losing my bearings. I can't make out much from the blackness in my room, but I make out Ben entering my room quickly. The light from the kitchen shadows his form on the door. He is suddenly forced back against my bedroom door, Army tackling him. My hand is on my head where I've been hit, cradling it gently. I feel something wet. I'm bleeding!

I hear scuffling from both of them fighting and wrestling against the door. Army gets the first punch, hitting Ben in the stomach. Ben makes a wheezing sound when Army's hand connects with his body, his breath leaving his lungs.

"Motherfucker," Ben growls, bent over from the pain.

"Are you fucking her now, Ben? Isn't she such a peach?" Army acidic voice jeers Ben.

Ben growls is loudly intense as he grabs Army's head of hair and rams it straight into the door. Army cries out in pain, stumbling to the floor. I get up from the bed, pushing myself against the wall behind me.

"Ben! Ben, we have to call the police!" I tell him.

Remembering my phone is in my back, I reach for it, but it's empty. It must have fallen out when Army hit me. I bend down, feeling blindly for my phone.

"Stay back, Rey!" Ben orders me.

They both leave my view, continuing the fight in my living room. I hear glass breaking, noises from both of them, screaming and yelling. Where the hell is my phone? I get on my bed, searching desperately for my phone.

Then silence.

I freeze from the silence, because I have no idea what's happening. Is Ben alright? What do I do? I'm so scared. Oncoming tears burn my eyes and I hold my breath. That's when I feel my phone, my fingertips brushing the corner of it. I grabbing it immediately, swiping the screen to have the light shine brightly in my room. Then I hear police sirens in the background. It's just faint in the background, but they are coming. If they are coming, I don't need to call them. Maybe one of my neighbors heard the commotion and called 911.

I take a deep breath and force myself to quietly make my way to the living room, still holding my phone. The living room is in shambles. Overturned furniture, shattered glass on the floor, broken objects, a big hole on one of the walls. The police siren is much, much closer now and I release a sigh of relief. I search the living room for Ben. He has his right arm around Army's neck, holding him in place against the kitchen counter. Army's hands are struggling to loosen Ben's hold.

Army realizes then that his hands are free, grabbing a broken glass shard within reach from the corner of the kitchen counter.

"No!" I scream to Ben, attempting to warn him.

Ben screams in pain as Army digs the glass into his arm, right into the tattoo of the smeared blood. When Ben loosens his hold, Army takes the chance to push him back with the weight of his body. It causes Ben to land uncomfortably on my stove, his head hitting the stove fan above. Army makes a run for it.

He's going to get away! This can't be happening!

I see the phone in my hand and take this as my only opportunity to do something. I stand in front of my front door of my apartment, blocking Army's path. I'm scared shitless, but he can't get away. He's made my life hell and he'll continue to do if he's free.

I'm not letting Armitage Hux be the center of my fear anymore.

"Move, bitch!" he spits out at me.

Ben straightens up and stumbles his way towards Army, but he's still not close enough to help.

I grip my phone firmly and crash it against his ear, putting all my strength and fear and anger and everything from the past into my blow. The glass screen cracks from the force I throw into his head. Heh. Tit for tat. If Army backhanded me earlier and makes me bleed, I'm going to make him bleed too. An overturned chair sends him stumbling to the floor and I jump on top of him, repeating my blows, over and over, to the side of his face. When I see blood, it still doesn't stop me, it doesn't slow me down. It drives me.

"Fuck you!"

_Bang._

"I fucking hate you!"

_Bang._

"You piece of shit!"

The tears of anger blurs my vision, but it doesn't lessen my blows.

Strong arms pulls me away from a completey dazed and confused Army. My phone is bloodied and cracked. I grip it firmly. There are screams from the police entering my apartment. Guns are drawn and I'm forced to drop my phone. Ben was the one who pulls me off from Army, but releases me when the guns are pointed at both of us.

"Hold your hands up where we can see them!" A police officer orders.

My adrenaline is rushing, but the fear is gone from me. I'm breathing so heavily, but I feel they are breaths of the cleanest, purest air. Have I been drowning all this time? It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Because I'm not scared anymore.

I'm free.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

_A few hours later..._

"I'm her employer," I tell the officer.

We are still in Rey's apartment, answering all the questions the authorities asks us. We describe to them all that happened since we arrived to her place. At first, we were put in handcuffs, since the police did not know the situation when they entered. A neighbor did hear all the commotion and yelling, alerting them to calling the police.

I sat next to Rey on the couch, after the police pushed it back against the wall. Rey's furniture was in disarray. My arms are around her, protective, and I wasn't about to let this brave woman out of my hold.

Her demeanor has changed. She looked happier, in high spirits. Which is odd, since she was struck on the side of her head, bleeding from around the temple. An ambulance arrived soon after the police had, tending to Rey's injuries, as well as mine. Armitage was the one who took the brunt of all the injuries. He was arrested, as well, blood pouring down from the side of his face. Rey really let him have it.

"Ok, your information has already been acquired and we will call if we have anymore questions," the officer states.

"Yes, sir," both Rey and I finish.

"Thank you," I tell them, walking them out of Rey's apartment.

"Yes, thank you," Rey follows.

I close the door and turn to observe Rey. She stands, examining her apartment. She begins to pick up some of the trash off the floor and I quickly make my way to her.

"Rey, not tonight. Just leave it. Let's go back to the pool hall, ok?" I tell her, picking her up from the crouched position.

"Ok," is all she says.

Poe has been blowing up my phone for hours. I had gotten a hold of him via text, giving him just the gist of our situation. They would be waiting for us at the pool hall.

"Let me help you find some things to pack," I tell Rey.

"Ok."

"Are you alright?" I needed to make sure.

This was maybe the thousandth time I've asked her since the police arrived, but she always gave me a small grin with an affirmation that she was alright. The shock must have not worn off yet. I was waiting though. She would break down like she did and I would be there, holding her.

Soon, Rey was packed with the necessities she needed for at least a week, leaving her apartment to be tended to another day. On our way back to the pool hall, I call Poe and let him know that Rey and I were coming.

Finn and Poe waited at the front of Mr. Q's. When they noticed my car, they hurriedly made their way to the car.

"Oh my gawd, Rey! Are you alright?" Finn ran to her side, pulling her into a tight hug.

Rey was quiet, hugging Finn back tightly.

"What the hell happened?" Poe asked while I exited the drivers side, making my way towards Finn and Rey.

"I'm going to be fine, Finn. It's over," her voice fade as she speaks.

"What's over?" Poe is exasperated.

"Armitage broke into her place, waiting," I began. "He had a hold of Rey until I heard her scream. He got the first punch, but I fucking kicked his ass until he stabbed me with glass."

"What the fu-?" Poe eyes my arm, covered in a bandage the EMT's applied.

"He hit you?" Finn stares at Rey, eyes wide.

"I'm fine now, Finn," Rey assures him, placing his hand on his chest. "He can't hurt me anymore."

Finn didn't want to leave her side. I don't blame him. Being close to her was needed after what's happened to her. One of his arms wrapped around Rey's shoulders.

"One of her neighbors called the police, but her place is fucked up. We destroyed everything in the process," I continued.

"Wait, the police came? They saw Hux and arrested him, yes?" Poe eyes lit up.

"Yes," I said, trying to figure out what made Poe so excited.

"Ben! He violated parole. We don't need those camera tapes," Poe stated excitedly.

"Oh my gawd, you're right, Poe!" Rey shared Poe's excitement.

"So that means," Poe says, "it's no longer a misdemeanor. It's a felony..."

"...and asshole's going to jail," I finish.

* * *

Eventually, we closed up shop, turning the lights off, locking the doors. I insisted following Rey to Finn's place, to make sure she was absolutely safe. She tried to refuse my offer, but Finn and I ganged up on her, closing the topic to any further argument. I was apprehensive following her while she rode her motorycle, but there was no other choice. Either way, I was satisfied when we safely arrived to Finn's. I can't leave without getting a hug from Rey and thanking Finn for being a good friend, letting her crash at his place, so I get out of my car to bid her good night.

"I don't care the time, call me if you need anything, ok?" I tell Rey.

"Ok," she sighs slowly. "I don't know how to thank you, Ben."

Finn grabbed Rey's belongings and brings it inside for her, giving us a moment to speak.

"This is what I'm here for. I care about you, Rey." It's the truth.

"You've done so much for me already. SO much. You're such an amazing friend."

The way she looks at me when she speaks, complimenting me, telling me that I'm one of the best things that's happened to her, it draws me closer.

"I don't know what I would have done without you, especially tonight," her voice is soft.

I don't know how to respond. I'm lost in the moment. The air around us shifting into something I can't describe. All I can do is adore her from where I stand.

"You're my best friend, Ben, and I love you."

Rey tiptoes, placing her arm on my shoulder, and places a soft kiss on my skin, just missing my lips. It's mean to be friendly, giving her thanks.

"Good night, Rey."

"Good night," she finishes, hugging me tightly.

I return her embrace, but my eyes close. I inhale the scent of her hair, mixed with the night's breeze. Exhaling, I feel the reality dawn on me that something worse could have happened to Rey tonight, if I wasn't there. I can't stand the thought of it. My hold becomes tighter, but Rey returns it equally. I kiss the crown of her head, but my lips stays on her hair for a moment longer than usual. Some kind of emotion is riling up inside me and I'm trying to figure out to what it is.

After Rey pulls away from me, I grab her hand and squeeze that too. We separate, unlatching our hands, the warmth and softness of her hand disappearing. I watch her walk up the path to Finn's front door, where Finn is waiting for her. I give a wave to Finn and watch him close the door.

I stand in the dark, staring at the door.

_You're my best friend, Ben._

_...and I love you._

Fuck.

I get in the car, slamming the door. I drive into the night, heading home. My mind is full of chaotic emotions and thoughts. Most of them don't make sense to me, except the ones that stands out more than anything else. It's not a thought, it's a recognition. But I don't recognize this emotion, because in honesty, it's never happened to me before.

But I think I'm falling in love with Rey.


	6. Chapter 6: Balance

_**(BenPOV)** _

In my entire life, I could count how many people have told me _I love you._

One hand. One.

Rey confessed she loved me. My sweet, sweet Rey.

She loves me, but only as a friend. It still stirs something inside me, because she has done what no one has done for me. Give me love. Put her trust in me. She saw _me_. She loves _me._

Rey mentioned that I had done so much for her, credited that I was an amazing friend. I had done it all because she had done that for me from the very beginning. She took a chance on me, connecting with me like no one has before. I only reciprocated what she gave.

This new emotion I feel, that she stirs from the dark in myself, is foreign to me. I try to dwell in it, testing its waters. Rey is a light that forced its way into my dark, dark world of loneliness. Now it's consuming me, filling everything that's Rey. Now I can't get her out of my head.

Her eyes. Her smile. Her hands. Her giggles. Her voice. Her sass. Her heart. Everything about her that I crave, that I love.

Without Rey next to me or near proximity, I feel empty. I don't feel complete. I feel lost. My apprehensiveness blooms, almost filling me with dread. I swallow that bitter pill and try to pull myself together. Instantly, I allow myself to go into that familiar place I always go to when my dam is at maximum capacity of frustration.

My dark angry demons consume me instead. I'm filled with familiar anger, which comforts me, because I know this. It's not alien.

I grip my steering wheel and squeeze, the muscles tensing up. My knuckles whiten from the constriction of blood. My hands are always the first to react to these occurences. I want to express my outrage physically, always resulting in things being broken or damaged. Driving, I physically have nothing. This fact upsets me and I can only do what I can.

"FUUUUUUCK!" I scream.

Deceitful tears creep up on me, stinging my eyes. I force myself to pull over and take in deep, raggedy breaths. I fist my hair in my hands and pull to feel the sting.

"FUUUUUUCK!" I continue.

I grab the steering wheel again and shake it, letting it feel my desperation. I shake it violently.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" my voice cracks. Hot tears fall and I sob uncontrollably like a child, my throat burning from the force of my screams.

My forehead fall against my steering wheel while I bawl helplessly. Letting it hurt my lungs. Letting it burn my eyes. Letting it ache my muscles. Letting it consume me. My eyes close and suddenly Rey unconsciously enters my mind. It silences my demons, my anger.

"Rey."

Hearing myself say her name carries me out of my pitiful state and replaces me with adoration for this perfect creature. My tears stop and I smile. I love this woman.

I know what she would do if she saw me in this pathetic state. She would be there, like she always has, comforting me the best she could. Just her presence was enough. Or Rey pulling me into her arms, placing mine around her.

I sit up straight and take a deep breath, opening my eyes. I wipe at my eyes and swallow what just happened and try to put it past me.

"Thank you, Rey."

_Thank you for showing me the light._

* * *

I continue with my daily life, except I now hold feelings for Rey. I keep it hidden from her because she's not ready. I can sense it. She only sees me as her confidant, her best friend. I will take her anyway I can. As long as she's in my life. I would be lost without her. I would not be myself anymore.

Time passes and I try to distance myself from her discreetly. Pushing myself to do more work in the office, but be in the same vicinity of Rey. I would still see her, but not everyday like we used to. Cassian had taken over as bartender for the weekends, while I busied myself with business affairs.

Poe has been busy with other affairs also. Since we hired more employees to fill in the responsibilities needed, Poe has taken it upon himself to propose other avenues of business at Mr. Q's. Karaoke had been one of the proposals. Pool leagues was another. After countless proposals of what we could possibly have as additions to our pool hall, those were the only two that sounded promising to me.

Then Poe, the asshat, drops the bucket on me about offering our services of bartending as a favor to a friend. Meaning, he and I would bartend his friend's wedding. Poe didn't even bother to ask me, only promising this favor.

It made me mad. He's out of his fucking mind.

"Look, Ben. I promised her! I can't back out of my promise now!" Poe exclaimed.

"The fuck, Poe?"

"All we're doing is bartending. They are paying for everything. The liquor, the deco, the supplies. You and I just have to show, so dress up nice, ok?" Poe looked up at me, trying to put on his charm, speaking with his hands again.

"Fuck off, Poe. I can't believe this! This is the only favor I'm doing for you for the rest of your life!" I screamed.

We were in the office, before the pool hall opened. No one heard out argument. So, I let loose and gave Poe hell.

"Thank you, Ben. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I owe you, buddy," Poe claps a hand on my back.

"I can't even look at you right now. Just give me the damn address," I tell him, ice in my voice.

Poe searches through his phone, finds the information, texting it to me immediately. I get the ping notification and look at the text message.

"It's an hour away?! On a Saturday? Damn it, Poe. It's during working hours," I tell him.

"In two weeks! We have time to prepare," Poe says.

The wedding was on a Saturday night, one of the busiest nights of the week. I wasn't entirely needed for bartending on Saturdays anymore since the hire of Cassian. I was still at work, though, micromanaging.

Poe and I agreed to go separately, because honestly, I don't think I could stand sitting next to him in the car after the shit he just pulled on me today. Now I had to set up fill-ins for Poe and I. I don't think one night would hurt with myself or Poe not being there at Q's. I hope.

"Fine Shmoe, you fucking _owe_ me."

* * *

_**(ReyPOV)** _

_2 weeks later..._

I am not afraid anymore. I feel cleansed. I feel different. The storm that had been chasing after me for years has finally passed. The eye of the storm, the center, was the encounter with Army at my apartment. I was both in danger and safe at the same time. Army the danger, Ben the safety.

I was completely indebted to Ben and everything that he has done for me within the last year. He was my savior. My knight and shining armor. What could I do to thank him? I wouldn't be here, in the part of my life I am in now, if he didn't give me a chance. A chance to start my life over. And it was a rather new life for me, because I'm happy.

Is this what happiness feels like? An emotion of euphoria? It was similar to the feeling I felt when pushing my bike to fast speeds. The exhiliration, but it wasn't momentarily. I felt it the moment I woke up in the morning two weeks ago and it hasn't left me since. I smiled, feeling at peace.

That's what it was. Peace. I was at peace. Happily at peace.

I was at Finn's place for the duration of two weeks, while my apartment was investigated. The authorities needed more evidence of the break-in. I couldn't touch anything until they were finished. They were done within a few days, but Ben didn't want me to clean the chaos of my apartment. He paid for services of a cleaning crew. He had told me that was the least he could do.

Ben did way more than what was expected in that situation. He was so attentive to me. I appreciated it immensely. Like I said, he's my savior.

Finn and I had agreed to find another place to stay, since his former place was only a one-bedroom apartment. He offered his couch for those 2 weeks and I, again, appreciated my great friend. I just didn't feel like living in my old apartment anymore. It had held old memories. I needed new memories, after the declaration to restart my new life.

I dipped out early from my lease of the apartment, but it was the least of my worries. I didn't give a shit. I paid for the extra fee of ducking out of my lease early and Finn and I moved into our new two bedroom apartment soon after. We chose to find a place closer to Mr. Q's, for convenience.

It had been two weeks since the incident happened with Army. Since then, I only saw Ben a handful of times. I was disappointed, but I didn't let it show. I tried the idea of texting him, since I couldn't physically see or talk to him. Unfortunately, Ben is not a texter. I missed hanging out with him. Talking to him. Joking with him. I just missed Ben.

* * *

_Saturday night..._

"Cassian, can I get two Rum & Cokes, a Coke, a diet Coke, and four shots of Patron, please," I gave Cassian the order.

"Whatever my Rey wants, she gets," Cassian responds, getting the order together quickly.

Cassian is so sweet. We have gotten closer as time passed. I have learned a lot from him, enchanted with his stories about Jyn and him. I could tell that they were really in love. Cassian stated that now it was beyond what they thought love was in the beginning of their relationship. The love they have for each other now is stronger than before.

"Oh, don't make me blush, Cassian!" I tease the older man.

"You cheeky girl," Cassian laughs at me.

I can't help but laugh along with him.

Cassian was left in charge since Poe and Ben had an obligation to attend to. So, I guess I wasn't going to see Ben tonight either, to my disappointment. Tomorrow was his day off, which meant, I wouldn't see him at all. He would lock himself in the office, stuck to the computer for the whole day. Ben considered that a "day off". Yeah right. He never stopped working.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket. Cassian was still busy with the orders I gave him and I took a second to check the notification. Poe's name flashed across my screen. I answered quickly.

"Poe?"

"Rey! I need your help!" Poe sounded so frantic.

"Poe? Why? What's wrong? Are you ok? Is Ben ok?" I spoke so quickly, bombarding Poe with short questions.

"I'm fine, Rey. Listen..."

"Where's Ben?" I ask, worried.

"I need someone to go help him at the hotel _La Résistance_ in-" Poe tried to blurt everything out so quickly while he spoke, but I interrupt him.

"-I know where it is, but why?" I asked curiously.

"My tire blew out on my way there and I'm damn 30 minutes away. I won't be able to make it. Oh my gawd, he's going to be so fucking pissed!" the guilt could be heard in Poe's voice.

"I'll go, Poe. I'll go right now. Just get take care of your car," I told him.

"Rey wait! It's a wedding, so you'll have to throw something wedding-y on."

"Wedding-y?" I said incredulously?

"Yes, now go Rey! I've been trying to get a hold of him all night, but he's not answering. Maybe his phone is dead. I don't know, just go!" Poe was rambling now.

"Poe, stop talking! I'm going!" I hang up without the formalities of a bye.

I told Finn and Cassian the situation and dart out the door to quickly go home and change. I was so grateful that I was close enough to home to do that quickly. In my closet, I reached for black boots that was dressy, but comfortable enough to ride my bike. I donned in all black, since I was helping Ben and not part of the invited wedding guests. I couldn't wear a skirt or dress, my bike would make that very difficult. I decided on leggings with a top that was easily transitioned into a long blouse, or a short dress. I threw lipgloss on, placed pretty shiny earrings in my backpack, and dashed out the door.

I hopped onto my bike, after donning my helmet on and raced toward the hotel _La Résistance._ It was essentially an hour away, but I do love to ride my bike! I gun it, hitting 90mph, sometimes hitting 100mph, weaving through traffice at slower speeds. I arrive just over 30 minutes and park my bike. I place my helmet in my backpack, don the earrings on and walk with hurried steps to the entrance of the hotel.

"Excuse me, where is the wedding held at?" I ask the front desk.

The girl working there points to the left, indicating the doors at the end of the hallway. I walk in a fast pace after thanking her and open the double doors that led to the wedding. I scam the room, searching for a tall, dark, handsome man, but it's too dark. The music is loud and lights strobe on the dancefloor. A waiter passes me and I tap him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, do you know where the bar is located?" I ask him loudly, the music drowning me out.

"Through that hallway there and straight ahead," the waiter points towards another hallway.

I roll my eyes, sigh, and make my way there. Soon, I see a bar, crowded with people, and an annoyed tall, dark, handsome man.

Ben.

I take my backpack off my back and place it behind the door. After washing my hands in the sink behind Ben, I approach the next guest and ask for their order. Ben sees me in his peripheral and does a double-take. Obviously it's too dark if he didn't notice me washing my hands behind him.

His hair is disheveled from frustration, but he looks so...handsome! He fits the tall, dark, and handsome expression perfectly right now.

"Rey, what the hell are you doing here?" his voice is annoyed, his tone deep.

"Why aren't you answering your phone? Poe has been trying to get a hold of you."

"Look at me, Rey, I'm struggling. I can't answer my damn phone!" Ben irritation grinds at me. And also his sneering attitude.

"Fine. Poe called. Told me he can't make it. His tire blew, so I took his place," I paused for a second. "You clean up nice, Ben," I complimented him.

His head turns away. He can't look me in the eye when he speaks. "You do too. I mean you look pretty."

I smiled at him and continue working.

"How do you know what you're doing? You don't have any experience," Ben says, watching me work with ease.

"Well technically I have experience, but it's only 3 weeks of experience. Cassian taught me. He's a good teacher," I admitted to him.

"I'm going to _fucking_ kill Poe," he lowered his voice when he cursed.

"Plus, I miss you."

His angered expression disappeared and he searches my eyes. He took a deep breath and turns away from me.

What's wrong with him? He's acting strangely. It silently hurt me in the inside that he didn't admit that he missed me too. Something's bothering him. Or I would have heard about it by now.

The night went on. The more it went on, the more Ben was getting restless. He was so tensed up about what was bothering him. The furrow between his eyebrows haven't relaxed at all. I would catch glances from my side vision of him looking in my direction, only to have him look away when he saw me turn my head toward him.

Some of the male wedding guests attempted at flirting with me, but Ben scared them off with his intimidating glare. None of the females attempted with Ben either, for the same reason.

When the time finally came to closing time, we shut down, cleaning up the best we could. I count the tips we both earned and notice that the reception hall still had a few lingering guests, dancing. Behind me, I hear Ben snap the bottlecap of a beer open. Chugging half of the bottle. He quietly and slowly walks away from the bar, down the short hallway, towards the reception hall, beer bottle in hand.

All I do is stare, with questions in my head. Why is he ignoring me?

I relish in the moment of how handsome he looks tonight. Black slacks, dress shoes, and a button up grey shit, pushed up to his elbows. A black tie loosened around his neck. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling his head back to chug more of his beer. He looks relaxed, but I know he's far from it. I grab my backpack and follow him.

I'm going to find out, whether he likes it or not, what's bugging him.


	7. Chapter 7: Colorful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Ben snaps the bottlecap of a beer open, chugging half of it. Quietly, he walks towards the reception hall, his beer bottle in hand.
> 
> Why is he ignoring me? I'm going to find out, whether he likes it or not, what's bugging him...

_**(BenPOV)** _

This night just turned into utter shit. Poe left me hanging for about an hour. I struggled to run the bar myself, almost desperate to ask for help from a hotel staff. Where the fuck was Poe?! I knew this was a bad idea to do him this favor.

I don't know if it was a relief to see Rey show up or not, stating that she would be taking Poe's place. It was a surprise when she actually knew what she was doing. That, alone, was a blessing in disguise. Things went smoothly, work wise, after that.

I felt awkward being around her, in the close proximity of her. It was because the way I felt about her, but still needing the space to figure out my feelings without scaring her away. Fucking hell, I'm a fucking mess. My head is full of confusion and confliction of what I should do or not do when I'm around Rey.

Being in the uncomfortable situation with Rey around, it didn't stop me from admiring her from afar. She looked beautiful. I always thought she was beautiful anyway, but after realizing my feelings for her were deeper than friendship, she was breathtaking. Nothing fancy with her attire or anything, just her simplicity made her stunning to me.

Now she was here, sacrificing her time to help me out. When she could have gotten someone else to replace Poe, instead of her. I was greatly thankful for it, but I didn't admit it out loud. She was a rare creature.

I opened the beer, the liquid was like water after being in the desert. I hoped it would help with my frayed nerves. I needed to get away from the bar, put space between me and the tense atmosphere around Rey and I. With beer in hand, I made my way to the reception hall, where the space was wide open.

I couldn't face Rey. I felt like like an asshole for disregarding her. She didn't push the issue of my avoiding her either. Still, I could sense the hurt I put there. The last thing I said I would do to her. This distance, it was not us. We were different people tonight. Tonight, I avoided her and she was quiet.

It was dark in the reception hall, most of the guests gone. It made sense. The bar was closed, so no one wanted to stick around. There is light, but only from the strobes pointing directly at the dancefloor. Still, there was a few that continued to enjoy the celebration. The music was loud, drowning out any noise around me. I welcomed it, sitting on one of the chairs, emptying the remnants of my beer. I place the empty bottle on the table next to me and swallow.

A warm hand is on my shoulder. I knew she would follow after me. I don't face her, because I can't. I don't know what to say to her. I made everything so uncomfortable between us. She stands in front of me, waiting for me to look at her. That's all I can do, because I have no words. None at all.

I can't hear her, but I see her mouth my name. She waits, watching me. I sigh at the vision in front of me. I want to love her, I want to show her how I feel. I want...her.

I stand, look down at her, my hesitance clear, but I push myself to get closer to her. Leaning closer to speak into her ear, I ask Rey if she wants to dance.

She smiles that smile she always gives to just me and nods her head. I grab her hand and lead her to the dancefloor. Then I put a finger up to gesture for her to wait right there. I make my way to the dj booth and question the dj if he is still taking requests. He gives me a thumbs up and I yell the song title into his ear. He shakes it in approval.

I needed Rey to know how I felt about her without telling her. This, I was able to handle. I'll let the song speak for me.

I make my way towards her, pulling her into my arms. One up holding her hand, the other around her small waist. The dance song playing ends and my request starts to play, the guitar intro playing softly.

Rey is still smiling and my lips mirror hers. We start to move, my big hand enveloping her hand. It doesn't take long for the chorus begin and I can't help sing along to my requested song to her.

_"I know I can be colorful, I know I can be gray. But I know this loser's living fortunate, 'cause I know you will love me either way."_

Rey's smile disappears and her stunned expression is pasted on her features, never wavering. I know it's dark, but I can see the tears at the corner of her eyes.

The words of the chorus is how she makes me feel. My flaws and strengths Rey has seen, has experienced, but despite it all, she loves me anyway.

A tear, just one, falls from her left eye. I thumb it, still serenading her. I don't want to see her cry, I just wanted to show her how I feel about her. I shake my head and smile for her. Then I slowly release her to spin her, holding her hand. Rey's giggling is music to my ears. I pull her back to me, accentuating our dance moves, swaying bigger, spinning her around more.

When the song ends, I bend lower to reach her ear.

"I missed you, too."

Rey reaches up and around me, her shorter stature pulling me down further to her height, so she can place her arounds around my neck to hold me. I pull her flush against me, returning the embrace. We hold each other that way while dancing, not wanting to pull away.

She tiptoes, straining to get comfortable. I lift her up easily and spin her around in a circle, like a child. Giggles erupt from her and I can't help but join her. I put her down and tuck her loose hair behind her ear. She bites her lip, still smiling. The dimples deepening, her eyes bright with happiness.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I ask her.

We walk out of the reception hall into the lobby of the hotel. On our way out, she grabs her backpack on a table she had placed down.

"Not till the evening."

"Me either."

"I know," she giggles. Of course Rey knows my schedule.

"I have a room."

That smile disappears as she tries to read me. Her lips part, then close quickly, as she's thinking about what she wants to say.

"I don't want to go home yet," she confesses.

"I don't want you to either."

* * *

_**(ReyPOV)** _

What am I doing?!

I want to stay, but I don't want things to become awkward again. I want to spend time with him, since I haven't seen him very much lately.

I got _my_ Ben back. I felt that Ben when we danced. I also felt something else too. Something entirely different. An electric zinging tension encircling us. There were moments where I felt I couldn't breathe being in his arms. The warmth of his hand was soft, alleviating all the tension we felt earlier between us. I dismiss it because I was starting to enjoy myself.

Ben leads me to the elevators at the opposite side of the lobby, my hand in his. He grabs my backpack and slings it over his shoulder. Such the gentleman. He releases my hand to push the elevator button, returning it back to my hand.

"What floor are you on?" I ask him.

"Uh, 7th."

"The top floor?" I ask curiously.

"Yeah. It's the suites. I need the king sized bed for my height. The queens won't cut it, my feet will _just_ fit. After tonight, I knew I'd want to be comfortable in a king instead of a queen."

"Oh. Ok."

I swallow, starting to feel nervous. But why am I nervous? I'm nervous because I have no idea how this night is going to pan out. I know I just want to be with Ben tonight, to be close to him.

Ben squeezes my hand and the ping for the elevator's arrival announces itself.

"We need to talk, Rey."

"Ok. Is something wrong?" I ask, as the doors open.

"I don't know yet. That's why we need to talk."

Once in, Ben presses the number 7 on the panel, the door closes. Silence fill the elevator. The awkwardness we are not used to between us is there again. He still has my hand, but I don't want to let go. Now the nervousness is rising within me and I try to push it down, taking a deep breath.

At the 7th floor, the door opens with another ping, and we are on our way to his room.

"We should call Finn and Poe," Ben announces.

"Good idea. Poe must be going out of his mind," I tell him.

Releasing my hand, he reaches into his pocket for the room key. His room is at the end of the long hallway. The door opens and I am in awe of the suite. It has a kitchenette, a breakfast bar, a "living room" with a sofa, television, and table. I notice the sofa folds out into a bed. I could use that if I decide to stay.

Ben places my backpack on a sidetable and turns more lights on. There's a large wide window, filling the whole wall, the curtains pushed open, revealing the traffic lights of red and white on the freeway from the cars below.

"Fuck me, what a view," my voice is barely a whisper.

I walk closer to the window, letting Ben's hand go.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Ben asks from behind me.

"Do you have water?"

"Absolutely," he opens the little fridge and pulls out a cold bottle of water, handing it to me.

I'm thankful for it, because my mouth is parched.

"Have a seat, please," Ben offers.

When I watch him move, I feel the weirdness between us again. What the fuck is going on? My eyebrows furrow with uneasiness.

"Ben, I don't understand what's going on but-" I begin.

Ben is rubbing his hands on his pants as I speak. He's nervous too. He stands as he cuts my sentence short.

"Stay with me tonight. I want you to stay. With me."

My mouth is left open, from the shock of Ben's request.

"If you want me to. I can take the couch and-"

Ben cannot meet my eyes. He looks downward, at his shoes, shaking his head.

"That's not what I meant, Rey."

The heat from my blush is hot and I feel it flushing throughout underneath my skin.

"Ben..."

"I've been trying to fight these feelings for you for awhile and," he pauses to take a deep breath, "I can't do it anymore. I can't fight them."

"Ben, wait."

"Rey, you know how I feel about you, don't you?" Ben said to me.

I shake my head slowly, unbelieving what he was trying to tell me. Understanding now what this talk meant. This couldn't be happening. Everything was perfect, now he's going to ruin it.

"Why are you shaking your head? Listen to me. I'm trying to tell you," Ben followed me as I paced the room.

"Ben, no. Stop talking," I tell him firmly.

"Will you just wait a second?" Ben grasps my arms, shaking me. His are eyes are wide.

"I'm in love with you, Rey."

I'm still as stone, my eyes wide with horror. He releases my arms, waiting patiently for me to say something, as he breathes heavily.

"Ben, no. We're just friends," I feel as if all the air left my lungs.

"I know you feel it too. I know you do! Stop fighting it and let go!" he was frustrated now. His hair shook while he spoke.

"Don't do this, Ben. Please don't go this way."

Those were my words to him before he backs away. There is a look of anguish etched into his features, like something died in him, before he repels from me. He beelines it to the bedroom door, slamming it closed behind him.

"Ben?" I say quietly.

Silence.

I don't know how long I stand there, but everything inside of me feels numb. I feel like I'm in a dream when I pick up my backpack, look back at his bedroom door, then leave his suite.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

My lips are trembling. Why did I think that what I did would work? That it would change her mind about me? I did miss her, like I told her earlier. And I wanted to show her how much.

This is fucked up. I'm fucked up. Rey is fucked up.

"Ben?" I hear her say my name from the otherside of the door.

I want to go to her. I want to hold and kiss her and...

I can't move. My body shuts down and I'm frozen.

I heard the door close. She's left. I can't reel in and control my emotions. There's no anger, or frustration, there's only emptiness. I am heartbroken. I've never had my heart broken like this before. It feels like nothing fucking matters anymore. Work, my belongings, my friends, everything.

_We're just friends._

Her words bounce back at me, pushing the tears I've been holding in, out from my eyes. I'm sitting in the dark in the suite's bedroom, looking out another window that takes up the whole wall. I start to snort as I let the tears of heartbreak overwhelm me. Sob after sob, I cry alone in the dark. Shaking violently, whimpering like a fucking baby.

This is where I came from. In the dark, alone.

I grip my hair, pulling and tugging it hard. There's a sting of pain, but it doesn't overpower the pain of grief. I don't know how long I sit here weeping, but I go back to what said between us.

_Don't do this, Ben._

I guess it was inevitable at some point. She was either going to tell me no or welcome it. When she spoke, the words she said hurt more than I expected. I was back at square one. Rey rejected me when I poured my feelings, my heart out to her. I thought we could talk it out like we always did.

_Please don't go this way._

I know Rey loves me. She's told me. I felt it. Why was she fighting it too? She just needed to let go.

_Ben no. We're just friends._

After what just happened, would we still be just friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter was so short. I've had this incident playing around in my mind for awhile. It was hard to write.
> 
> The song Ben requested at the wedding is Colorful by Verve Pipe. I love, love, love the lyrics. I felt it was perfect for that part of the story. Here are the lyrics if you're curious:
> 
> The show is over close the story book
> 
> There will be no encore
> 
> And all the random hands that I have shook
> 
> Well they're reaching for the door
> 
> I watch their backs as they leave single file
> 
> But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while
> 
> I know I can be colorful
> 
> I know I can be gray
> 
> But I know this loser's living fortunate
> 
> 'Cause I know you will love me either way
> 
> Most were being good for goodness sake
> 
> But you wouldn't pantomime
> 
> You are more beautiful when you awake
> 
> Than most are in a lifetime
> 
> Through the haze that is my memory well
> 
> You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy
> 
> I know I can be colorful
> 
> I know I can be gray
> 
> But I know this loser's living fortunate
> 
> Cause I know you will love me either way
> 
> Look ahead as far as you can see
> 
> We'll live in drama but we'll die in a comedy
> 
> I know I can be colorful...


	8. Chapter 8: Blind

_**(ReyPOV)** _

I walked through the front door of my apartment door, the living room dark. For once, I welcome it. My body feels numb, despite the adrenaline I felt while riding my motorcyle home. I let my backpack clunk noisily onto the floor and walk towards my room, still confused to what just happened an hour ago. I don't bother to turn the light on in my room. My bed creaks from the weight of my body when I sit down.

"Peanut? Poe has been trying to get a hold of you all night," Finn says to me from the doorway of my room.

The light turns on and Finn sees the state that I'm in. Instanly, he's kneeling in front of me.

"What's wrong?" his worried voice causes me to look Finn in the eyes.

"Wha-?" I am quiet. I'm still in shock.

"What's wrong, Rey? Something's wrong," Finn places his hands on my shoulders.

My tears surfaces and fall. Finn pulls me into him and cradles me while the tears just falls. He's shooshing me when my body begins to convulse.

"I don't know what happened," I mumble into his shoulder. "I-I-"

My words falter when I attempt speaking.

"Shh-shh-shh," Finn is rocking me.

"I broke his heart, Finn. Oh my gawd, the way he-" I snort unattractively when the tears choke me up.

"Ben?" Finn says his name.

"Yes," I pull away to wipe the wetness from my eyes. I give Finn a confused look, "Wait. How did you know I was talking about him?"

"Peanut, we all know how he feels about you. You never noticed?"

"No," I whisper, shaking my head slowly.

"Yes, baby girl. The way he tends to you only, protective of you, or the way he looks at you. You're the only one he gives the time of the day for."

I'm in shock from Finn's explanation. I had always thought he treated me differently because we were the best of friends.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Finn asks me softly, sitting next to me on my bed.

"I-I don't even know where to start."

"How about some tea? I can make you some tea real fast," Finn offers.

Shaking my head again, I refuse the tea. I don't think I would be able to keep it down.

"He was so different towards me, since the Army thing. Then I just felt like he was avoiding me. Until last night," I started.

Finn sat, holding my hand, rubbing my back. He listened to me ramble about everything that happened until an hour ago. I explained how I told Ben that we were just friends. Ben's crushed grimace played repeatedly into my mind over and over and my tears fall again.

"What do I do, Finn?" I ask him, my head on his shoulder.

"Do you love him?"

"I do, but-"

"But you don't know if you're in love with him," Finn finishes.

"No. I don't know. I just know I do love him. He's my best friend," my voice is soft.

Crying takes a toll on your body. It makes it hurt to breathe, your eyes swell with the pressure, fatigue pounds at you mentally and physically. Finn lays me down on my bed, taking my shoes off, then covering me with a blanket.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Finn questions.

"Usually I don't want to be alone, but I just want to close my eyes."

"Ok," Finn kisses my forehead. "Good night. Just call if you need me, ok?"

I nod with a grin I try to give him. Finn closes my door after switching the light off. After I'm engulfed in darkness again, the tears begin again and flow freely, until I fall asleep.

The time is a blur to me. I don't remember when I eventually fall asleep, but I wake up in a startle when my phone is vibrating in my pocket. I had forgotten to take it out before laying down. When I look at the clock it's after 4 am in the morning.

It's Poe.

"Hello?" my voice is groggy and realization hits me that I forgot to call him back. "Shit! I'm sorry Poe, I forgot to call you."

"Rey?! What the hell, woman! I've been trying to get a hold of you since last night? Did everything go ok?" Poe didn't bother to hide his annoyance.

"Yeah, everything went fine. Mm-hmm," I say too quickly, sitting up in bed.

"Rey? What happened? Did you get there on time? Shiiiiiit, Ben's mad, isn't he? Fuck he's mad, I know it! That's why he's not anwering his phone this morning," Poe rambles.

I didn't know what to tell Poe. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to fight the oncoming tears that are threatening.

"No, Poe. I made it. It worked out fine. Everything went fine," I pause, thinking. "You weren't able to, uh, talk to him today? Or last night?"

Truthfully, I was worried now. I wanted to know if he was ok after his confession.

"No. But everything was good? Fine? Great! GREAT! This is great. Thank you so much, Rey. You definitely did me a solid, sweetie," Poe sighed with relief. "If you talk to that asshole, tell him to give me a call, ok? Since he won't answer my calls."

"So, you didn't speak to him at all?" I ask more eagerly.

"Nah, I haven't. I'll just wait for him at work today."

"Today is his day off," I state.

"Oh, yeah, shit. I forgot. Well, I'll just call him later. Unless you get a hold of him before me, ok?" Poe says.

Poe hasn't caught onto my angst. I didn't want to explain to him what happened between Ben and I. I wouldn't fare well. Guilt punched and twisted me in the inside.

"Rey, you still there?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here, but I'll talk to you later, ok? Bye," I swipe to end call.

"Oh and tha-" Poe tried to throw in before I cut him off.

Poe talks too much. Too much for his own good sometimes.

My mind is in turmoil from the decision of making a call to Ben or not. Is he alright? I open my Contacts and his name is at the very top of the list, under Favorites. My finger presses on the screen and I stare at the picture of Ben under his contact information. He has that my smile that I adore on him. Then the words from Finn last night enter my mind.

Friends do that for one another. Protective, caring, smiling, loving. Loving your friend is not a crime. Did I miss signs that he felt other than friendship for me?

There was a time I felt I had feelings for him. And I categorized us as friends after, dismissing those feelings. We meshed perfectly, having so much fun together, once Ben opened up to me. I did notice that he treated me differently than anyone else back then, but I had assumed it was because he experienced a type of affinity with me. Right?

Since that day, Ben and I were practically inseperable.

The memories of our times together whirled in my head. I tried to think of all the times we spent together, doing anything that we both commonly enjoyed. When I couldn't think of anything, the guilt and anxiety spread to the tips of my limbs. I couldn't think of any.

Memories of how he would look at me sometimes pushed its way into the front of everything in my head. Then calling me sweetheart. Smiling. How he was just always there for me.

For me.

_Knock, knock._

"Peanut?"

Finn was at my door.

"Are you ok? I heard you talking," Finn spoke through my door.

"I'm alright, Finn. It was Poe on the phone. Sorry to wake you," I respond.

"It's ok. Just making sure. I'm going back to sleep."

I frantically opened the screen on my phone, searching for Ben's number again. Again, there was his picture smiling back at me. I pushed the icon to call his phone. The dialtone rang, once, twice, three times. The voicemail began and it was just an automated greeting, not Ben's voice.

Damn.

It was different when he spoke to me, also. Always soft and gentle, unless we were joking around with each other. Or when he laughed at my jokes. It was infectious. And not at anytime that I've spoken to Ben has he raised his voice at me, we didn't quarreled. It wasn't us.

Have I been blind all this time?

Still no answer.

I call again and no answer. Hoping for a miracle, I redial one more time. Panic was edging me. If he didn't answer anyone's call, especially mine, then Ben was definitely upset. He hated texting, complaining his fingers were too big and caused typos for him. Ben was not patient enough to delete and correct his mistakes, or patient enough to deal with autocorrect. But I was willing to try textying anyway.

**Me:** _Ben, pls nswr ur fone._

_..._

_..._

No response.

I take a deep breath and lay back down on my bed. The darkness in my room was lit up by my phone screen. I place my phone down after looking at the time, counting mentally the minutes till he would respond. When I picked up the phone again, it hasn't passed 5 minutes yet. I was getting frustrated.

"Please answer, Ben," I say out loud to myself.

I dial his phone for the 4th time, this time leaving a message on his voicemail.

"Hi Ben? Will you answer your phone? Please? Or call me back, please! I just need to know you're ok. Please," I plead softly at my last word, my voice cracking.

I end the call before I drown in my deserving sorrow. It was my fault that Ben was hurt. I know what it felt like to be hurt. And he was alone. I know what that felt like too. I cry into my pillow, hoping not to tip Finn off that I was completely distraught.

What do I do? Now he won't talk to me either. How long am I going to endure this? What the hell do I do?

I have to wait. That's what Ben is making me do.

* * *

_Monday morning..._

The gas station usually keeps me busy during the day. Occupying my mind, but since I had finished fixing up my bike, it had lessened with occupying my thoughts.

This feels like the longest work shift at the gas station today. The time drags on and on and I repeatedly peek at the clock to when it's my end of the shift. I constantly checking my phone throughout the day. Still no responses. Just Finn's text messages, a couple of jokes Cassian sent me. Poe's attachment of my schedule this week.

When it's time to clock out, I rush out and head straight to Mr. Q's. It was a priority to talk to Ben. I needed to know he's ok.

Again, Baze and Chirrut wave hello to me when I arrive. Chirrut isn't able to walk me since the door has customers, him busy checking ID's.

"Is Ben here?" I quickly pass them.

Baze shrugs.

"Not sure," Chirrut answers.

I continue my way inside.

At the register I see Poe, Cassian at the bar, as usual, and other employees busily waiting on customers, while they play pool. The door to the office is open and I charge right for it. Cassian greets me with a nod.

"Rey? Rey! Cassian, can you run the register and get someone to cover the bar? I need to talk to Rey," Poe orders.

I pause at Poe's demeanor. He is clearly disturbed.

"Let's go into the office," Poe places his hand on my elbow, leading me into the office.

He closes the door once inside the office.

"Have you spoken to Ben?"

"No. Have you?" I ask.

"He won't pick up. He won't answer my texts. I tried stopping by his place, but his car is gone."

No. No no no.

"So you haven't seen or contacted him at all?" Poe questions.

I sit down and I focus at holding an anxiety attack back. I shake my head, expressing that I haven't.

"He won't answer me, either," I try to hide my trembling lip.

Poe now notices the way I am holding myself. I can't break down in front of him. I have to leave. I stand, my hands beginning to shake. Discreetly, I place it in my pockets, hoping Poe does not notice them.

"I have to go. I'll be back later. I have to go," I repeat.

"Whoa, hold on. Are you ok? What happened at the wedding?"

I shake my head and walk out the office door.

"Rey?" Cassian calls after me.

I don't want to talk to anyone else. I want to talk to Ben. My anxiety hits me hard and quick and I start to cry. I run out the door, passing my bike, heading out onto the sidewalk. The others call my name behind me, but the blood rushing in my ears overpowers any coherent words called out after me. I don't want to be here right now. I need a different scenery. Nothing that reminds me of Ben. So I walk. Fast.

I start my breathing exercises Finn taught me a long time ago. This will be the only thing that will help me with my anxiety attack right now because usually Ben...

No. Don't think about him.

Just walk, Rey. Just walk.

* * *

_Tuesday morning..._

I missed work the night before, Monday night, after my anxiety episode. I couldn't bare being around anyone. I ended up walking home, telling Finn what happened. He called Poe for me, relaying that I would be missing work. Finn still went to work that night, but he did me a favor, bringing my motorcyle home. With the help from Baze and Chirrut.

Finn did make me smile though. I was grateful for that second of happiness. He mentioned that Chirrut was the one to volunteer to ride my bike home. Then the elation he felt afterwards. Now he knew what I felt everytime.

After Finn's arrival home, still there was no word or sign of Ben. I called off work for Tuesday night too.

In my moment of depression, I locked myself in my room and cried all night.

* * *

_Wednesday..._

It's been 2 days and no one still hasn't heard from Ben. He didn't reach out to anyone either. All his calls made to him by everyone at work hasn't been answered. I haven't had much sleep for almost 2 days. I was too worried over Ben. Poe covered Ben's responsibilities of managing the place during Ben's absence. He had no choice.

When I entered Mr. Q's, Poe flagged me down and practically dragged me to the office for privacy. I could tell he had questions. And he looked annoyed. I think I was ready. Ready to tell him what happened Saturday night.

"I want answers now, Rey. What happened to Ben?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You were the last one to speak to him. What happened before you left him?"

My hands started to fidget with themselves in my lap, picking at hangnails that weren't there.

"Do you see the dilemma I'm going through right now? My cousin is missing. For 2 days! He has a business to run and he hasn't bothered to pick up the phone and tell anyone where he is!" Poe barked at me.

What the fuck?

"Is that all you fucking care about Poe? That you have to run this place because he's gone? You're a grown ass man, Poe. Man up. Do you even care how he's doing? How he's feeling?" I face Poe.

Finn doesn't bother to knock. He bursts in, wondering what all the yelling is about. He runs to my side.

"What's going on?" Finn asks me.

"Where is this coming from, Rey? I'm as worried as you are!" Poe doesn't miss a beat.

"It doesn't sound like it!" I yell back at Poe, my eyes wide.

"Peanut, Peanut, calm down. Let's be adults and talk this out, ok guys?" Finn's voice is calm and trying to be soothing.

"Finn, I just want to know what happened Saturday," Poe is exasperated.

"I-I can't-," that is all I'm able to tumble out.

"Rey, look at me, breathe. In. Then Out. Good. Let me talk to Poe, ok? Just keep breathing," Finn is rubbing my arms as he initiates my breathing exercises.

Finn makes his way to Poe by the computer desk, while I stand by the couch. I don't have the energy to hold myself up anymore. When I sit down, I continue my exercises, my breathing shaky. I can see Finn speaking quietly in conversation with Poe. At the moment that Poe puts two-and-two together, his eyes meets mine. There's sympathy in the way his mouth slightly frowns and his eyebrows forms into a sad expression.

"Shit," Poe mutters under his breath.

Poe makes his way to me, pulling me up from the couch, and comforts me in a hug.

"We'll find him, ok?"

I nod into his shoulder, holding in my tears.

"You, Finn, and Cassian run the floor and bar tonight. I'm going to find him," Poe words immediately lifts me up, even just a little.

"But I want to go with you," I tell him. "I'm not going to take no for an answer."

Poe didn't argue. Two heads were better than one. He nods and leaves to head for his car.

"Let's go find Ben."

* * *

_Thursday..._

_Friday..._

_Saturday..._

A full week has passed. And clearly, Ben is avoiding us. We tried every avenue to search for him. We continued with the text messages, with no responses. We continued with phonecalls, only to have it go straight to voicemail. There was no ringing dialtone anymore. Ben had turned off his phone. Emails, nothing. Checking in at his place, nobody home.

I didn't want to give up, but I didn't know what else to do anymore. The previous Saturday was at the wedding that Ben was last seen. I proposed to Poe and Finn that we try the hotel, hoping for a miracle that maybe he didn't come home yet and extended his stay for a week. It was an option.

"As long as we try," Finn shrugs, "at least it's something."

Poe and I agree with Finn. We were running out of ideas.

The last three days have been hell. This whole week has been hell! Ben and I haven't had a span of time this long that we haven't spoken to each other. I saw him almost everyday, and the gaps inbetween were usually 1-2 days, at the most.

Finn agreed to stay behind and keep down the fort for Poe. We would update him on any information, if we had any. I kept my bike at home, riding along with Poe in his SUV. After buckling in safely, Poe pulled out onto the freeway. An hour didn't see too long for a car ride, but it would feel like we were driving across country. My patience this last week has been hanging onto a thread.

"Do you remember what room?" Poe asked me, attempting small chit chat.

I watched the landscape pass from the background slowly. The lines on the road was a blur of yellows and whites. I nod at Poe, wishing not to speak. I wasn't in the mood, as of late.

"I know I'm not Finn or Ben, for that matter, but you can always talk to me too, if you need to talk to someone."

My moping mood didn't deter Poe from filling the silence in the car. I just wasn't in the mood to talk. Poe was consistently talking, beit nonsense or not. Basically, he didn't know when to shut up.

"Finn told me what Ben said to you. I knew he was in love with you."

How did Poe figure that out on his own too? First Finn, now Poe. Was it that obvious? Who else thought this way? How was I the last to know? Quietly, I watch the passing cars. Doing my best to ignore him, rather than have his words get a reaction out of me. I don't know if that was intent or not, but I didn't care.

"You fell first, you know," one hand rested on wheel.

The disbelief could be felt radiating from me. I turn my head, glaring at him. Was he high?

"Just hear me out, Rey, before you say anything," Poe put his free hand up in surrender, "I know how extremely close you are to him. You are the only one that has passed his walls."

Poe pauses to put his hand on his forehead. I fold my arms across my chest, my face void of any expression.

"I could see it everytime you came into Mr. Q's for work, the way you lit up when you saw Ben. I saw it in him too."

Poe quickly peeked at me. I don't know what he saw in my face then, but the corner of his lips rose to a smile.

"You don't see what I see, Rey. Even now when I'm speaking about him, the compassion you have for him, and he's not even here."

I tried to absorb all that Poe told me. Closing my eyes, all that consumed within me from the last week, was Ben. Everything I could think of him filled me with want and need. I didn't want to feel this empty anymore. I break down when I thought I couldn't cry anymore tears.

"I miss him, Poe."

"I know, sweetie."


	9. Chapter 9: Fucking Idiot

_**(ReyPOV)** _

Nervousness sets in when I see the hotel in the distance. I've been sitting in the car wallowing in my misery instead of thinking of what I'm going to say to Ben once I see him. If he'll talk to me. Guilt, then, pricks at me also. Pushing the guilt aside is not easy. My focus to control my emotions is difficult because, right now, I'm vulnerable.

"What do I say to him?" my voice quivers.

"Let's worry about that when we get there. First, we have to make sure that he's there," Poe is right.

"How are we going to do that? They won't give us that type of information," I tell Poe. "It doesn't matter, I remember which room he was in."

"Ok. Good,"

"I feel guilty."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the reason he's like this," I say. Mostly to myself.

"He's a grown up, Rey. Don't beat yourself up about it. You have to look at this in a different perspective, through his eyes. He's hasn't felt this way about anyone before, so he's having a hard time processing what to do. Be patient with my cousin. He'll come around," I'm thankful for Poe at this moment.

While I was fretting over Ben, the depth of how he was feeling at the moment was forgotten. I didn't take into consideration about how he was dealing with this all on his own. No friends or family around. Though, it was his choice not to reach out. If he confided in anyone to counteract his downward spiral, Ben would at least have some type of cushion.

Damn, that man was so stubborn!

Why didn't he reach out to anyone?

I knew why, but I was in denial. He was hurting. Trying to mend his broken heart on his own. I felt my heart was breaking too, because I was the reason why. Why did it hurt so much?

It was rejection. Refusal of any type of help. Ben rejected me, for the first time since we've become friends. The recognition of rejection was not uncommon to me. I felt it in the past. It doesn't matter how long it's been since I felt it, it still felt awful. And the rejection from Ben was a stab to my heart.

"We're here," Poe announced.

My nervousness spiked, because I didn't know how this night was going to go. I hoped he was there, but still I was nervous. Extremely nervous.

"Hold it together, Rey," I told myself.

"I'm right here, Rey. You're both going to be ok," Poe says, placing his hand on my hand to comfort me.

I close my eyes and gather the courage I have left in me to get out of Poe's car, walk into the hotel, enter the elevator, then walk down that hallway to Ben's supposed room. I can hear Poe's footsteps out of sync with mine next to me. It is quiet in the hallways, except for the airconditioning on blast, the cool air goosebumping my skin.

Nearing the room, I felt a pull toward it, like I can feel his presence. A visceral draw that was felt between us everytime we were close to one another. The familiar sensation of that distinct calm tickling underneath my skin. The sensation danced in the air, becoming more prominent the closer I got to the door. My heart pounded, pairing with nervousness, but I didn't care. He was here, I could feel it, and I would see him again.

Before Poe or I could knock on the door, it swung open. The relief that washed over me was overwhelming.

"Ben!" Poe exclaimed. "Thank fuck we found you!"

I couldn't help myself, nervousness completely gone, knowing he was right in front of me, I grasp at him desperately, holding onto him for dear life. Everything felt right again in my world. We found Ben. When my tears fell, it was no surprise. It was expected. Releasing the alleviated stress I've had. They were not tears of pain or suffering.

"Ben," I whisper into his chest.

His heart was pounding within his chest, my ears listening to it's perfect heartbeats. They were quick, like fast thudding footsteps. Ben's body was still against my own.

"You look like shit, man," Poe tells him.

"Fuck off, Poe."

"There's the Ben I know!" Poe says with a smile.

"We're here to take you home," I announce him.

He shouldn't be here. He needs to be around his friends and family.

"I'm not ready yet," Ben's voice is teetering on the edge of fight or flight. I could feel it.

Not wanting to scare him off again, I release him, the rejection again beating at me. Though, now that I know that Ben is alright, to a certain extent, I give him space.

"This is my last night here. Please respect my wishes to be left alone. I'll make sure to make contact, as long as you respect my solitude."

Ben was cold. His voice was different, monotone. There was no warmth. And his words did not sound like his own.

"For how long?" I asked, finally trying to meet his eyes.

I wait for his gaze to meet mine, but he refused returning it.

"You'll know."

"What about work, Ben?" Poe asks.

"You can handle it. I'll be back soon."

Poe sighs deeply.

"Fine."

"What? You're just going to let him go, just like that?" my disapproving tone spat at Poe.

"You don't have a choice," Ben says acidly.

"He needs his space, Rey. We found him and he's ok. Let's give him what he's asking for, ok sweetie?" Why was he talking to me like I was a child?

Asshole.

"I didn't ask for it. I'm telling you. All of you. Leave me alone!" Ben backs away from the door and slams it in our faces.

I give Poe a scathing glare, accentuating the grimace on my lips.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I step closer to Poe.

"You haven't had the pleasure of dealing with Ben's anger problems in the past. I have.Too many damn times to count. And being family, the only family that gave a shit at that time, I had to give him the space he needed. He's a bomb right now, Rey, and he doesn't need us forcing ourselves upon him. Trust me."

"So what do we do, just wait, like we've been doing all this time?" My expression deepen, speaking bitterly at Poe.

"We have to respect his wishes."

I refuse to let Ben go. Not when we finally found him after his disappearance.

_Knock. Knock._

"Rey! What are you doing?!"

"I need to have a word with Ben."

"Sweetie, this is not a good idea."

"Like Ben said before, Poe. Fuck off."

Poe shook his head, his hands on his waist.

"You can stand there gaping at me or you can go home."

"You both are a pair of insufferable pain in my damn ass!" Poe throws his hands in the air, stalking down the hallway grumpily.

_Bang. Bang._

"I'm not leaving here until you open the door, Ben!" I holler through the stupid piece of door in my way.

No answer.

"I'm a fucking idiot! Is that what you want to hear?"

The door swings open. He glowers, staring me down. Challenging me. His broad chest heaves with heavy breaths. I sigh with relief that he opens the door. Before he can slam the door on my face again, I force myself inside his room.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm coming in, that's what I'm doing."

When I pass him and enter the "living room", it is in chaos. Empty beer bottles, trash, dishes from room service left on top of the kitchenette counters or tables. It certainly looked lived in, but Ben didn't bother to tidy up afterwards.

I felt sympathy for him then. His mind was much more in a mess than his suite. And it was my fault.

"Get out, Rey," his tone was sharp.

"I can't leave now. Poe left."

"Fuck!" Ben grabbed and pulled at his locks.

Just like before, he beelines to the bedroom, but I block his way, standing in front of the door.

"Move," his eyes are dark.

"Ben, please, we need to talk. Don't run away," my voice was calmer now.

"Ok, fine. I'm right here. What do you want to say to me?"

This is unlike Ben to throw his impatience towards me. I flinch at his temper. True, I deserve it. I'm not worthy of his sympathy. It's not about me.

"I'm sorry!" I all but yell at him.

Because I am sorry.

"You're yelling at me? You?! Why are you yelling at me?" Ben arches his eyebrows.

"Because you're yelling at me!" I retort.

"I'm angry, Rey. I'm entitled to yell."

I'm loss for words. I force my way into his suite to speak with him, invading the privacy he wanted, to be close to him and I can't articulate anything to say to him. It had been so easy before. We clicked. Now, I was stumped.

"What do you want?" Ben asks me.

His jaw tenses, waiting for my answer. What _do_ I want?

"I don't know."

Ben considers for a minute my response.

"Why are you so afraid?" Ben steps closer, towering over me.

I have to step back because of his immense size. I blink at him. Every step away, Ben matches it, hovering so close to me.

"I'm not afraid."

"Yes. Yes you are, Rey. You're terrified," Ben points his finger at me.

His voice is getting louder again, annunciating his words. I shake my head at him. I am not afraid of him.

"No. I'm not afraid of you. You know that!"

"Not afraid of me. You're afraid of your feelings for me. Why?!"

His eyes bore into mine, looking into my soul. Emotions crash over me like tsunami waves and I give him the answer I didn't know I could answer until now.

"Because I've never felt like this before!"

Ben backs away, his face is blank of any expression.

My breath shakes when I exhale. My body quivers, water begins streaming slowly down my face. My hands form into fists at my side. I'm trying to be brave, but I _am_ afraid. Afraid to be in love. Afraid that I'll end up getting hurt again, as Army had hurt me. Because I do love Ben and if he did hurt me, I couldn't bare it this time. It would literally destroy me. Everything between us was always so intense. That's why I kept him at a distance as just a friend. Though, when we became best friends, things changed, but I denied my feelings for him. I was delusional.

I stunned myself, as well as Ben. I didn't know! I book it to the door to leave, feeling humiliation smack me in the face. My hand turns the knob of the door and Ben is wrapping his arms around me to keep me from leaving. He's so dangerously close.

"No, you don't get to run away either, Rey," he murmurs softly into my ear. "Stop trying to push me out and let me back in."

"I..I..." my words stumble all over each other.

"Why can't you tell me you love me?"

"I have told you, Ben."

"You know that was different. You're in love with me too, Rey. Say it."

I can't speak. I'm struggling to keep myself up. My legs are weak. I want to close in on myself, but Ben is holding me in place. His rock arms closed in around me.

"I know you do, Rey. Tell me..." his next word is barely heard as his voice breaks.

"... _please_."

It's like a dam that's been broken. I succumb completely to my intense emotions. It's overwhelming and my legs give out. I crumple to the floor. He follows me down, holding me so close, keeping me safe in his hold. His nose is in my hair, breathing unevenly from his own emotions. Ben is as vulnerable as I am.

I turn around out of his hold, latching my arms around his neck, my wet face placed against his neck, as we kneel facing each other. Ben crushes himself against me. The feel of his skin against my face makes me weak inside. I'm falling. Falling. This is where I belong. All that anxiety I felt dissipates and all I feel is Ben.

"I'm in love with you, Rey. I love you so fucking much," his words are soft whispers.

"I love you, Be-" I crush my lips into Ben's, deep and desperate, drowning my voice at the whimper of his name.

It takes him aback, and he savors in the feeling of my lips against his for a moment. Then his arms snakes around me, pulling me flush against him. The kiss deepening with our breathing heavy. His own breath fanning against my cheeks. My hands move to cup his face, feeling the tears warm and wet on his skin.

I don't know why I denied myself for so long. I was afraid before, afraid a long time ago before I met Ben. But when he walked into my life, that fear disappeared, because he would be there for me, like he always was. His love was my protection, my armor. Then overtime, he's helped me to douse the fear that clung to me, him holding my hand.

Ben draws back, surveying me, his eyes full of adoration.

"Say it again, Rey. I need to hear you say it."

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

This amazing, beautiful, perfection loves me. I knew she did. There was always something there between us that I could not understand. I didn't understand, but it left me in awe. I couldn't be away from her again.

I still don't understand why she was so afraid to admit to her feelings. That would be another day, another conversation, another time. We had the time to figure that out along the way. And when she was ready to tell me, I would be there, as I always was.

I've never been in love, but then neither has Rey. We were both so very new to this, but we would be in it together.

My fingers buries themselves into her hair, pulling her closer to kiss harder. I couldn't get enough of her right now with her pretty pink lips brushing against mine like that. I pause the kiss, dragging myself to gaze at her. She's so fucking beautiful. Her eyes wet, lips puffed, her skin flushed.

"Say it again, Rey. I need to hear you say it."

"I love you, Ben."

My eyes flit back and forth, treasuring Rey. My smile beams at her and her thumb traces the side of my lips as her expression mirrors mine. Her dimples prominent on her cheeks when she smiles back at me.

This time, Rey kisses me softly. Whispering of her lips lightly against mine. I can't help but sigh.

"I knew you did. Fuck, I love you."

Rey giggles.

"I missed that. I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"I'm ready to go home with you," I wanted to be home, with Rey by my side.

"Then let's go home."


	10. Chapter 10: Going Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather short, sorry. I swear the lemony stuff is coming! It's working it's way up there. Enjoy.  
> Leave a comment & let me know what you think so far!

_**(BenPOV)** _

I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted Rey to stay with me at the hotel the night of the wedding. I wanted to show her how I felt. Show her through touch what she meant to me. I wanted that woman, with all my heart, body and soul. She was my fucking soulmate, my other half of me. Rey had my heart. She was the one for me. She was it.

The darkness I felt all my life, especially this last week, was diminished. When Rey told me she loved me, showing me with her lips, I felt like I was reborn again. I felt different.

When Rey had arrived to the hotel, I felt her presence. It was _calling_ me. It was hard to explain the connection we felt with each other. That distinct pull gravitated me towards the door, opening it before she knocked on it, revealing her and Poe's arrival.

We both quickly packed my belongings, in a rush to get home, to feel the familiarity of everything within it. I missed being home at Mr. Q's. To be with my people, the family that gathered there over time.

In my car, my hand held Rey's, refusing to release it. She splayed her hands across mine, then holding it tightly. I repeatedly kissed her knuckles when I needed to feel more of her that I could get inside my car. I couldn't wait to hold and kiss her again. I needed to be near her. How could I not? I was away from her for a week.

"Rey?"

"Hm?" Rey kisses my fingertips.

"Stay with me tonight."

"I thought that was obvious."

"I wasn't sure if-"

"I'm not letting you out of my sight again, boss."

"No," I warn her.

"Bosley?"

"You are not a Charlie's Angel, Rey."

"No, but I'm _your_ angel."

"Yes you are, sweetheart."

"I love when you call me that."

"I know," I smile at her. "I miss this," I sneak a quick peek at her.

Rey gives me that pretty dimpled smile I love so much. My insides do that fluttering thing, reminiscing the first time it did that to me.

"Me too."

"Why don't you call Poe and tell him we're on our way back," I dig my phone out of my pocket.

"Ok."

Rey takes it from me, scrolling through my contacts for Poe's number. After pulling his contact up, she puts the phone on speakerphone.

"Ben?!" Poe answers.

Neither of us answer.

"Hello?"

I put my finger up to my lips to let Rey know not to make a sound.

"Ok, uh, who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?"

Rey stifles her giggle, covering her mouth.

"Poe, I'm headskrzzzz going through the mountskkrrzzzz have to skrzzzg."

"Ben? It's very hard to understand you with all the uh..."

Rey couldn't hold it in her laughter anymore, it echoing in the car. I snort, my laugh sounding gruff.

"What the fu- you guys are assholes!"

"Oh Poe, he was just joking!" Rey tells him, holding my phone up to her lips.

"So. You guys are ok then? Is Ben coming home?" Poe asks hesistantly.

"Yes Shmoe. We're on our way home. Rey and I will be to work on time."

"Yes! We missed ya around here, Solo," Poe teases.

"I know."

* * *

"Ben!"

Poe, Finn, Cassian, Baze, Chirrut welcomed me home, as did the rest of the employees at Mr. Q's. It didn't slow down my path towards the office, Rey's hand intertwined with mine. There was snickers and raised eyebrows at our public affection. I didn't give a shit. My woman was beside me and there's where she was going to stay.

In the office, I pushed a hesitant Poe out of the office, stopping him with my forefinger up, warning him to not come any further. I closed the door and Rey and I automatically crushed against each other, lips finding each other immediately. Rey moaned into my mouth.

"Shhh sweetheart, they might hear you," my voice was deep in her ear.

"You better stop calling me sweetheart or I won't be able to stop myself."

"Hold that thought for later, baby," I whisper.

Rey smiles, then bites her lip and I see the desire there in her eyes.

"I feel it too," I tell her.

I tuck a hair behind her ear, unwillingly putting space between us. We both needed to start work soon. It didn't help that we were getting ourselves into mood to attack her right here in the office. We would have time for that later. Rey gives me a soft kiss before we straighten ourselves up.

"I love you," she says for my ears only.

"I'll never get tired of hearing that."

"Good. It feels good saying it to you," Rey states.

I reach behind her for the doorknob, causing her to press against me just one more time. I relish in how close she is again to me. I twist it, opening it. Waiting for us outside the door are a nosy Poe and a curious Finn.

"Oh! Hi guys, I was, um, I just had a question for Poe here, uh, yeah," Finn mumbled.

Finn's hand flew to the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable being caught trying to eavesdrop. Poe had no shame being caught redhanded, giving me and Rey a huge shit-eating grin.

"Well hello lovebirds! Ready to work? Poe chimed.

"Please for the love of all that's holy, Ben, tell us you're back. Poe's been a major pain in the ass," Cassian mocks from the bar.

"Aww did somebody miss me?" I taunt Poe with a baby voice.

Poe's expression was priceless. The incredulous look was something to be caught in a Kodak moment.

"Cass! I thought we were buddies, man! Why you gotta do me like that?" Poe turned towards Cassian respond.

"Do it again and I'm walkin' my ass outta here," Cassian returned with a smirk.

Cassian continued with roasting Poe, which caused an uproar of laughs from everyone.

The night went on with good times. I worked at the bar, considering it was my day off, but I couldn't not tear my eyes away from Rey roaming the pool hall all night, serving customers. She returned her flirty stares at me, giving me that radiant smile. My ogling earned a few blushes from her. Cassian's knowing eyes and smirk didn't deter me from gazing at my girl.

My girl. My sweetheart. She's _mine_.

"It took you two some time," Cassian says matter-of-factly.

My gaze turns away from Rey reluctantly to eye Cassian and consider his words.

"She's was worth the wait," I respond, a small knowing smile on my lips.

"She's definitely a keeper," Cassian finishes. "You are blessed, son."

Cassian slaps my shoulder with a silent approval.

"Thank you. Yes I am."

"So is she. Don't let all the credit go to just her," Cassian adds, tipping an empty glass at me he was in the middle of cleaning.

I nod, my grin wider from Cassian's compliments. I wasn't used to getting approval or compliments, but when it came to Rey and I, I would soak it up like a sponge. Cassian is a good man and I really liked him.

Closing time didn't come fast enough for me or Rey. We bade everyone a farewell for the night and I grabbed her hand, rushing her out the front door. My steps were quick, too quick for Rey's legs with my long strides

"Slow down, Ben!" Rey tells me.

I'm impatient and she knows it, but I want her. I pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder like a caveman.

"Oh fuck! Ben!" Rey yelps with surprise, but giggles like a schoolgirl. "You scoundrel."

* * *

_**(ReyPOV)** _

Ben's mischievous chuckle is rich and deep. I feel the intention of it seep down to my core with lust and desire. We've been exchanging stares and gazes all night. I've never seen Ben look at me the way he was looking at me tonight.

Being held by Ben after my admission of my love for him felt different than the ones I felt when we were just friends. It had been careful or protective. Now his embraces were desperate, frantic. There was a longing. I had felt it too when our kisses deepened, our breathing heavier, panting for more.

Ben placed me down and opened the car door. Now he hurriedly made his way to the driver's seat and started the car, zooming out of the parking lot, wheels chirping.

"In a hurry?" I smirk.

"Fuck yes," he says grabbing my hand.

Before pulling out into traffic, he leans towards me, crushing his lips to mine in a searing kiss. His hand behind my head pulling me to him. Just as quickly that he pulls me to him, he suddenly pulls away, leaving me wanting more. Fuck, I needed to get my hands on him soon. I needed to touch him.

"I want you, Rey," he touches his forehead to mine.

"Then hurry the fuck up," my mouth open from breathing heavily.

Again, he pulls out into the city traffic in a hurry, tires squealing, my hand still grasping his. It takes us an agonizing 30 minutes before we get to Ben's place. Ben knew what he was doing. I lived with Finn and we needed privacy. There was no way we were going to my place.

After arriving to Ben's place, a big house with dark wooden floors and dark walls, he pulls me over the threshold, closing the door and pushing me against it. Our lips meet and hands frantically reach for each other's body. The soft moans I elicit become almost embarrassing when his lips leave mine to make its way to my throat.

"Your skin is so soft," he murmurs against my neck.

I close my eyes and enjoy his lips leaving goosebumps on my skin. Ben lifts my right leg to wrap around his, my arms encircling his neck for balance. He continues with the kissing on my neck and jaw, then lifts my other leg, hoisting me up against him.

There. Right there.

That's where I need him. Ben pushes himself into me, showing what our actions and kissing is doing to his body. The friction is blinding and I can't help thread my fingers into his hair, tugging at the roots. His moan is deep and fucking sexy. I don't know how much longer I can wait.

"Ben, I need you, _please_."

"In due time, sweetheart."

"Fuck, Ben," I really do love when he calls me sweetheart.

His laugh teases me. Taunting me of my impatience and of my reaction to his term of endearment.

"Believe me, I've been waiting for this for a long time," Ben admits, "trust me, it'll be worth the wait."

He looks into my eyes and I'm melting. I'm glad he's holding me because my legs suddenly feel week from the man before me.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

While Ben holds me up in his arms, he takes off his shoes with ease. I attempt to, but Ben stops me.

"No baby, let me."

He carries me deeper into his house, passing the kitchen, the living room, and down a hallway into the room at the end. Twisting the doorknob, he opens it and it swings open freely. Against the wall is a kingsize bed, just like in the hotel, but with dark grey beddings and pillows. He places me down gently on the edge and backs away to take my shoes off for me.

Never taking his eyes off me, he removes one shoe, then the other, throwing it to the side. I giggle and he smiles. Then he's back to touching me, his hands on my waist, the pressure of his kisses urging me to lay down. When I am laying before him, his hands pushes my hair away from my face, then traces my lips with his fingers. I bite at it and he moans from the sensation of it.

"You are fucking beautiful."

"And you're the most beautiful man I've ever met. Inside and out," I cup his face with my hands.

They look small against his cheeks. My thumb rub against his luxurious lips. He hovers me, but places himself perfectly againt my body, my legs wrapping around his thighs. He takes a deep inhale when he places a kiss on my lips. My hands find the edge of his shirt and I reach underneath to feel his skin, moving upwards towards his chest. The sudden shift of his breathing is satisfaction to my ears. Without any warning, Ben is on his knees to don his tshirt off.

Fuck me.

"Fucking hell, Ben. You've been hiding that all this time from me?" my eyes are wide.

"What?" Ben looks down at himself.

"You're bloody hot!"

He's very beautiful on the outside too. Ben smiles a toothy grin and I'm in disbelief that this man is mine.

I'm gawking at this perfect creature in front of me. I can see more of his tattoo on his right arm. His shoulder is covered with two koi fish, representing yin and yang. One black, the other white, circling each other. Chinese characters with more shading underneath cover his skin, then transitions to the script calligraphy I have only been able to see before. I see the red smear of ink depicting a blood smear across the words.

Only Ben and I know the truth that real blood had smeared across his skin that night of the fight. Now the red smear held sentimental value to it. It was a show of his love, as gruesome as it is on how he received it.

Ben sees me eyeing it with a fall to my expression.

"Hey, hey. Don't think about it. It's in the past. Let the past die. I'm in front of you now."

"I'm killing the moment, aren't I? I'm sorry," I say with tears threatening.

"Don't apologize, Rey. This is the here and now, ok? All that matters is just us. You and me."

"You and me."

"Come here, sweetheart," Ben pulls the covers of his bed down and waits for me to get underneath.

I take his lead and slide underneath the covers. He follows and lays next to me, his arms encircling me. We lay side by side, his arm encircling my waist to pull me closer. I place my cheek on his chest and breathe in his scent. He smells nice. I feel his lips kissing the crown of my head and I can't help but close my eyes.

I fall asleep in Ben's arms.


	11. Chapter 11: Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Lemons ahead!  
> Please comment, I'd love to hear what you guy think of my story so far. It would be MUCH appreciated.

_**(ReyPOV)** _

My eyes blink. Once, twice, taking in my surroundings. These beddings are diferent. Different sheets, different pillows, the scent surrounding me is different. It's all Ben. I stretch lazily in his bed, remembering that I stayed with him last night. Fell asleep in his arms, anyway, to be exact. And it was perfect. Well, it was almost perfect, because he wasn't next to me.

I sit up on his bed and see one of my shoes thrown to the corner, the other right next to the bed. What had started as foreplay finished into nothing. I tried not to let the disappointment bother me, but Ben was nurturing, gentle.

The past is the past. Ben was right. He was the here and now. It was just me and him.

Where was he? I stretched again and placed my feet on the floor. This was the first time I've been to his place and it was so lustrous. Not anything like my plain apartment Finn and I had. Ours was with brown boring carpet, compared to Ben's polished hardwood floors, my walls white and dull, his walls a greyish color with shiny black furniture against the walls.

His bedroom was beautiful, but it was not cozy like my apartment. Nothing personal screamed Ben in this bedroom. It was just furniture with a masculine colored theme of greys, blacks, and chromes. If you think about it, those are dull colors to the vibrant hues I would usually accustomed to.

I leave this bedroom and search through his place, envious how much space he has. One room has a computer desk and a shelf full of books. This room definitely screams Ben all over it. The books on the shelves were lined with so many types of books: cook books, old classics, autobiographies, and many books on poems. Ben likes poetry? I would not have taken him for a poetry type of guy.

I keep on with my exploring and find a still half naked Ben in the kitchen. His bare back is broad, full of muscle that has me gazing hungrily at his flesh. My smile is automatic and I feel the fluttering butterflies overwhelming me as I walk closer to him.

"Morning, sweetheart."

"How did you know I was here?"

Ben turns around and he is a breathtaking sight. His hair is a mess from sleep, swooped over, covering his forehead. Slight stubble covers his chin and upper lip. He is wearing the same pants he slept in, hung low showing off the V-shape that goes lower to his...

Damn.

"I just know," Ben shrugs and I bite my lip.

His lips quirk into a smirk and he crosses the kitchen towards me, kissing me softly on the lips. It lingers longer than a regular morning kiss and it's absolutely wonderful. Something stirs in me and I put my arms around his waist, relishing in the feel of his strong body against me. The kiss continues and gently places his hand on my neck. When his tongue whispers against my lips, I return with a little more enthusiasm, my tongue tasting him.

When I groan, his eyebrows furrow and I can feel the apparent reaction in his pants making its presence known on my stomach. His free hand moves behind me, grasping my rear, pushing me closer and much harder onto him. Ben pushes me against the counter island of the kitchen, lifting me up to sit on top of it. My legs wrap around his hips, pulling him closer to me right there.

"Ben," I whisper between breaths.

"I need you," Ben's forehead is placed against mine.

"Let's go back to bed," I tell him.

There is no hesitation when Ben lifts me up, my legs still wrapped around him, making his way with long strides to his bedroom. His hair flops with his hurried forceful steps. He doesn't let me go once we meet the bed, but lays me down with no concern for gentleness. I can sense he needs this as much as I do.

I quickly take my top off with the help of Ben, again, him throwing it haphazardly behind him. Our lips meet, sloppy and wet, making noises as our tongues and lips dance with each other. I've never been kissed like this by anyone else. The excitedness of it brings back that aching in me, but more intense. My arms are around Ben, his lips at my throat, nuzzling me and making moany noises. Oh, how hot. His nose trails along the skin there and I'm digging my fingertips into his head, gesturing him to keep going.

"Oh, Ben. Don't stop touching me," I breathe out a moan.

"I can't stop myself even if I wanted to."

"I'm calling in sick for work this morning," I tell Ben.

"Fuck yes you are."

Ben's hands roam up and down my body. I pause enough for me to shuffle out of my leggings in an unattractive manner. It gets Ben to chuckle, but I don't care. I want to feel skin to skin. His hands begin running over my body, his thumbs ghosting over the side of my breasts. He's so close.

"May I?" he asks like a gentleman, his voice husky.

I nod my head and he unhooks my bra from behind. I wriggle out of it, causing my breasts to jiggle and Ben cannot help but gape in awe at me.

"Fuck, Rey."

My hand clasps his and bring it to my breasts. I want him to touch me. His big hands cups me and he gasps at the softness of it. My nipples harden and I groan from the sensational feeling it brings. Like a zap of lightning straight to the aching inbetween my legs. Ben's thick fingers pinches one nipple, reveling in the reaction from me.

"Oh my gawd, that feels amazing," I breathe heavily into the air, "more."

His hair tickles my chin as he dips down and takes a nipple into his mouth. My mouth opens wide and lets out a loud moan echoing into the bedroom, the aching becoming much more prominent inbetween my legs. The other hand still massaging me deliciously. Ben's lips wraps around the hardened pebble and sucks gently, his tongue alternating between flicks across it.

I've never been touched like this. It's new and I can't get enough. I feel greedy and urge Ben with words of encouragement.

I've been with Army, but it was nothing compared to these touches Ben was giving me. Army didn't care about my pleasure, only his. He didn't show me affection. He just gave me sweet words. I didn't have a real orgasm with him, he didn't even give me the pleasure of looking at me.

Ben was only touching me. We haven't gotten to the intensity yet with going below my waist. We were on our way there, though, and I didn't know how much longer I was going to last till impatience hit me. I was so turned on.

My hands roamed all over his shoulders, stroking his neck, feeling the sinewy muscles as his body tensed from touching him. It sent firey ripples down to my core. When he stopped the touching of my breasts, his mouth moved lower, kissing my bellybutton. I froze from his aim of direction. I haven't had that experience of having a man have his mouth _there_.

"Rey? What's wrong?" Ben could feel my he reluctance.

"I-I- um," I couldn't form a complete sentence. How did I tell him that I was inexperienced in receiving oral?

"Is this your first time?" Ben hovered over me.

He read my concerned expression. I was nervous. All I could respond with was a nod, tearing my eyes away from him, ashamed. His hand cups my cheek to look back at him.

"Don't be afraid. I just want to show you how much I love you."

"Ben," I breathed in a whisper and he continued, lowering down to my waist.

"Let me love you, Rey."

His kisses sent thrills through my body, his hands moving up to stroke my nipples again. The zings were back and I couldn't help but arch my back. His mouth moved lower to my panties, kissing through them. When I felt his fingers ghosting against my skin to hook around the hem of my panties, I lifted my body up to let him take them off me completely.

"You are so beautiful, Rey."

Ben's voice is heavy and dark, resonating against my skin as he brushes his lips against the inside of my thighs.

"Jesus Christ, Ben."

My eyes close and all I do is feel. Feel his hot lips on me, the sheets as I grasp them in my hands, the vibration of his groans against my skin when he closes in on my mound. His breath is warm against my wet slit and I wait for the moment he touches me. His hands push my thighs wider apart and I feel the nervousness again creeping. My aching is overriding it and I take a deep breath, biting my lip. He spreads me wider.

"Oh Rey."

His hunger is intense, I could feel it on his tongue when he licks from bottom to top. I gasp from the contact of his skillful tongue and try to relax. He points his tongue to tickle my lips then moves up to hit my clit. I jerk at the feeling and Ben holds me down with his hands wrapped around my thighs.

"Please, Ben."

The pleading is all the permission Ben needs to hit my clit, wrapping it around with his plush lips and devours me. My body can't control itself from the build of an orgasm inevitably coming. My mouth is open and I'm high off Ben's administrations on my pussy. When I look down to watch him pleasure me, his eyes are trained on me, watching my every move.

The look of him boring his beautiful brown eyes, full of love, amazement, pride, at me are what sends me over the edge and my body quivers. I can't believe the noises escaping my lips as I reach my peak. It doesn't take long for Ben to comes up to kiss me, muffling my moans.

"I need you right now, Rey."

I'm breathing heavily, no words or thoughts in my head interrupt my high. Ben is standing up from the bed, his lips wet from my slickness, and he's taking off his pants and boxer briefs, revealing himself to me. His physique is all muscle. Moles dot his shoulders, arms, chest. Later I plan to connect those dots with my mouth. A sparse patch of hair sit just below his bellybutton and my eyes cannot help going lower to see his hardened member.

My eyes widen at his size. And at it's perfection. My lips part, my high completely gone from the sight of him and all I feel is desire. He crawls towards me, placing himself right where I want him. I can feel is cock right at my entrance and he takes his time admiring my eyes, my face, my lips, pushing a hair off my forehead. I lift myself up to kiss him and lift my leg to bend at the knee, awaiting him. Before he moves to enter me, he speaks.

"I love you," his voice is sincere and emotional

"I love you, Be-."

Instantly, he's inside me, both our gasps loud. He slides inside all the way easily and my hands find his shoulders, clasping hard. He closes his eyes to control himself, but I don't want him to be gentle. This is what we were both waiting for.

"Ben, look at me."

His eyes open and we stare at each other with the emotions that's been hiding inside us for so long coming forward. He starts to move quickly, my body jerking with his thrusts. There is no making love for us tonight. This is a need we've been missing for who knows how long. The connection between us is fierce and it shows in our body movements, our touches, our kisses, eyes meeting eyes between us. It's just him and I. Ben and Rey.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

I've waited so long for someone like Rey. It's been there when I met her. It's been there, the emptiness, the loneliness, before I met Rey. I wasn't searching for that woman to fulfill, Rey happened to fall into my lap. And I considered myself extremely lucky.

Being with her now, like this, drove me crazy. Rey drove me crazy in every sense of the word. She was fucking beautiful and amazing.

I've been with women in the past in college, but it was mutual emotionless sex. Never more than once. It was all empty. Rey, however, opened up another realm of pleasure I've never felt before. I didn't know having intimate sex with the person you love felt like this. It was surreal. 

I wanted to see her, have her eyes on mine when I brought her to ecstasy. I felt a swell of pride when I was the first to pleasure her with oral. It didn't take long for her to have it. I didn't mean to rush when I entered her. I couldn't help myself with Rey. I hoped I didn't hurt her, but the noises she exasperated when I did was reason enough that I didn't hurt her. I needed her like I needed air to breathe.

I wanted to make her happy, like she made me happy. I wanted to give her everything she ever wanted. I wanted to be that man that she needs and I _am_ that man. I felt it in every pore of my being.

My pace was fast and hurried. I wanted to pleasure my love, my woman. I feel I waited my whole life for her and I couldn't wait anymore. My strokes were deep, powerful, making her gasps into yelps of pleasure. I felt her body writhe underneath me with every stroke. She was becoming undone.

"Ben!" she calls out loudly.

Then silence. Her body tenses around me and her legs quivers while wrapped around me. The sensation of her around me sends me over the edge also and I grunt loudly with an expletive word, pulling out, spilling over her stomach, some reaching her breasts. I lay beside her, spent. Our breathing are heavy pants, our chests rising dramatically.

"Holy fuck," Rey admits.

"No shit. Wow."

And we both laugh. This freeness to love and lay with Rey like this was exhilarating. I couldn't help the big shit-eating grin to leave my face. I turn to look at Rey and she has the same exact smile on her beautiful face. I give her a quick kiss and continue to control my breathing.

"We're doing that again," I tell her, exhaling.

Rey chuckles with amusement, "Most definitely."


	12. Rice Krispies

_**(ReyPOV)** _

It was irresponsible for us to not use protection. There was no excuse for it, but we both haven't really been prepared after not being intimate with anyone in years. We decided that as soon as possible, we would both get protection. I was not ready for a family yet, which is something I wanted one day, just not now. I wanted to spend as much time I could with Ben. This new relationship would be my last, despite how many I had in the past, which is only one. I wouldn't really count that as a real relationship because it was a big mistake to be with that monster.

After that dilemma of protection was taken care of, which consisted of an appointment with a doctor for birth control or whatever options they were going to give me, and boxes of condoms for Ben until said birth control was taken care of, there wasn't a time that we didn't fuck like rabbits. It was like a bursting of a dam. Both of our desires for each other didn't dissuade.

It didn't help that Ben and I were always tired for work everyday, but it was all worth it spending as much time with him as I could. Any free time I had, I was with him. Be it grocery shopping, or chilling and Netflixing, joining him at the gym, etc. I spent a lot of breakfast times with him, since evenings with Ben were spent making love. Not all were always about sex, we just enjoyed each other's company. Video games, board games, binge watching tv shows on Netflix, hanging out with Finn or Poe at the pool hall sometimes on off-hours. Wherever Ben was, I was, or vice versa.

Everyone at the pool hall enjoyed our change of relationship status. They were extremely happy for us. Regardless of how much time Ben had taken that whole disastrous week off, with no contact with anyone, Poe was being an overdramatic pain in the ass about fulfilling Ben's responsibilities while he was gone. He had a change of heart and admitted that he actually enjoyed being acting manager, managing the pool hall. Apparently, he and Finn had gotten much closer with each other. I had seen the spark in Finn's eyes everytime he was in Poe's presence. It didn't dawn on me that I saw the same spark in Poe's eyes also, until much later.

I had known that Finn was bisexual, we are best of friends, but I had not seen that coming from Poe. Had Ben known?

"Ben?" I was laying my head on his lap while he read from one of his books on his sofa.

"Hm?"

"Did you notice anything particular about Poe's interests?" I asked without giving anything away. Or tried to.

"What are you getting at, Rey?" Ben put his book down.

The television was on, but it was now just background noise to my thoughts while Ben was reading.

"Him and Finn are close, don't you think?" I say, raising my head off his lap.

"Yeah? So? What they do is none of my business," Ben says, glancing at the tv.

"None of your business? He's your cousin. And Finn is one of my best friends!"

"Rey, don't get your pretty little nose into what they do on their own time," Ben boops me on the nose. "Ok?"

"So, you know of Poe's particular taste?" I ask him curiously.

"Of course I do. I've known him my whole life."

"I thought he was into just women."

"His preference is both."

"Well, ok, you've said he was a dog and an asshole, so if he hurts Finn, I'm going to kick his ass!" I stand with my hands on hips, looking down at him.

"Have you seen the way he is around Finn? He doesn't give a shit about anyone else," Ben says, pulling me back onto his lap.

"I didn't know you knew."

"Now you do."

"Maybe we should go on a double date!" I offered, an excited grin on my face.

Ben deadpans. He shakes his head.

"NO."

"Why not?"

"You haven't heard his twisted mind when... you just don't want to hear it, Rey. Trust me," Ben's hands are animatedly waving as he speaks.

"Maybe he's different when it's just you and him alone, but maybe it'll be different when I'm around. Or Finn for that matter," I stand to go to his kitchen. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry, sweetheart."

"Do you have any cereal?" I ask him, opening the pantry.

"I have Rice Krispies and Kellogg's in there somewhere."

"Yes! Rice Krispies it is," I jump in excitement.

"Really? Rice Krispies?" Ben snickers.

"What? It's my favorite. Plus the little guys are cute."

Ben makes his way to me and grabs my hips, kissing the back of my head.

"You're cute," he says into my hair, "but it's still a no on the double date."

Ben releases me, turns around and makes his way back to the couch. I spin around quickly with a scoff, the cereal box still in hand. I see his head, with his beautiful hair, and a mischievous idea pops into my head. I stick my hand inside the cereal box and grab a handful of cereal, take aim, and chuck it at his head. It goes flying everywhere and I laugh at his sudden pause. I shriek loudly from laughter from the shocked expression on Ben's face when he turns around to gawk at me.

"What are you, ten?" he's amused, not angry. "Oh, you're gonna pay for that, sweetheart."

Ben stalks towards me quickly, his intention of trying to grab the box away from me. Before he comes any closer, I grab another handful and ready to aim again.

"Say ahhhh."

"No Re-" as he speaks my name, I stuff the cereal into his mouth.

I cannot help laugh at how funny his reaction is at how he tries to avoid my hand. He grabs my wrist and I squeak from surprise that he hauls me over his shoulder. From the shock of his action, I drop the cereal box, the Rice Krispies scatter all over his kitchen floor. Ben has no care of the cereal or what his kitchen looks like as he walks away, me on his shoulder towards his bedroom.

"Ben! Put me down! Scoundrel! You caveman!" I giggle with humor.

"I told you you were going to pay, sweetheart," Ben smacks my ass quickly. I yelp.

He throws me on the bed and I try to give him the innocent eyes, but I know his aim. I know what Ben wants. He's going to torture me. He doesn't know that I secretly love it, but I play hard to get, which makes the sex phenomenal.

"Oh, Mr. Solo, please no!" my hands are in the air, feigning defeat. "I'll do anything you want!"

"Anything?" Ben looks down at me, the look of pure lust in his expression.

He takes his shirt off, throwing it to the side of an unknown place, and unzips his jeans. My eyes go wide with mock fear and Ben's eyes narrow. He pulls his pants and boxer-briefs down just enough to free his cock and begins stroking it slowly. I can't pull my eyes away from his hand pleasing himself and the fire within me starts to burn.

"Oh," my voice breathy.

"Do you still want to have that double date?" Ben questions.

"That's not fair."

"Depends what's fair or not," Ben starts to stroke a little faster.

I lick my lips.

"And what are you proposing Mr. Solo?"

"You take my cock, without using your hands."

"Or else...what?" I ask him, my eyes never leaving his hard cock in hand.

"Or no double date."

I sit for a moment and think, but watching him is making my brain a jumbled mess.

Fuck it.

"Challenge accepted."

I dive and lick his head, his hand still holding himself.

"Fuck," he murmurs roughly, releasing himself.

I moan at the taste of him. His flesh is smooth and silky and yummy. His cock stands at attention and I lift it with my tongue, my lips finally wrapping around his tip.

"Jesus, Rey."

"Mm-hmm. You like that, baby?" my eyes look up at him watching me.

Ben's lips are partly open at the pleasure I'm giving him and my body is on fire touching him. With just my mouth and tongue. I open my mouth wider and push myself forward to take more of him, only taking half of him into my mouth. I gather saliva in my mouth and use it to wet his cock and continue to pump slowly with my lips, groaning in the process. It's absolutely driving him wild. Ben thrusts a little bit more into my mouth and I take it like a good girl, relaxing my throat muscles.

"That's it, sweetheart. Take my cock like a good girl."

I keep with the pace, watching him continue at thrusting gently. Then Ben grabs my hair, running his thick fingers through them, urging me more. I can taste a tinge of sweetness from his juices coating my tongue and I can't help but swallow. That earns me another lewd moan from Ben. I want to grab his balls, but I refrain. Still Ben notices and a glint of amusement is in his eyes. He is very competitive, so he does what he does best. He teases me.

"You want to touch me, baby, don't you?" he teases.

I stare him down, narrowing my eyes. I will win tonight. I grip his cock with my lips and firm them up around the head. I suck in, keeping the pace.

"Fucking hell, Rey."

I know he's getting close. I shove his member into my mouth forcefully, feeling the head hit the back of my throat, and I relish in the feeling of it. It turns me on to no end that he's loving it, despite fighting it to win his challenge. My throat vibrates from moaning loudly and I feel the desperation with his thrusts now, his whole hand holding gently but firmly onto my head. I sheath my teeth with my lips while he pumps and I know I've won. Suddenly, he pulls away and releases himself all over my neck and chest. I'm still fully clothed, but I really don't give a shit right now. I love seeing my Ben in ecstasy because of me. He grunts loudly and I smile with heavy lidded eyes.

"I'll make it on a Sunday night," I kiss his half rigid cock.

"You are evil, woman."

"No, I'm amazing," I flutter my eyelashes jokingly at him.

"THAT was amazing, yes. No doubt. _Fuck_ me!" Ben exclaims.

"Can I?" I giggle.

"No. You have cereal to clean up in the kitchen. Get to it, sweetheart."

I pout as I watch him go to his bathroom to clean up. I look down at myself and decide the clean-up can wait till after I change my clothes. Then I can coax him to take a shower with me and finish me off.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

Rey is insatiable. My goal was to clean up the scattered cereal on the floor, but Rey had other plans in mind. I had just finished sweeping up half of the cereal when she saunters out with no top on, jut her sports bra on. Seducing me with what skin she had showing had me ditching the broom, it clattering to the floor.

"What are you doing, Rey?" I ask her.

She pick up the broom on the floor that I had dropped, bending over with a little too much exaggeration on wriggling her ass at me. What a perfect ass it is.

"I'm cleaning," she says as she starts sweeping.

I look her over, my eyes roaming her fit body. Appreciating how her tone arms are and her graceful neck, my hands tickling her skin with my fingertips, moving them up to her neck. Her hair is in a ponytail, but I take the hair tie off, letting it fall to her shoulders in brown waves.

"You should be, you're the one that made this mess."

"A little help would be nice, Ben."

"Mm-hmm," I move her hair to the side to kiss her neck.

My nose glides over her skin to the sensitive spot behind her ear, where I know it makes her body shiver. I know she loves my deep, seductive voice and I use it to my advantage.

"You taste so sweet, better than Rice Krispies."

"Is that so?" she smirks, still sweeping.

Her midrift is easy access for me to put my hungry hands on since it's absent of any fabric covering her. She's wearing leggings and it hugs her body perfectly. I'm about to peel that off her body and give her what she's insinuating. I take the broom from her hands and place it against the fridge. I turn her around and kiss her deeply, my tongue tasting her lips.

My hands automatically grasps her ass, giving it a quick smack. I receive a squeak from Rey and I can't help but smile. My hands squeeze and massage her cheeks in circles. Her moaning surfaces the want in me again, my cock hardening just a bit, against her stomach. I break the kiss and swing her around swiftly, bending her over the counter.

"Ben," Rey whispers my name.

I can't help my hands roaming over her ass, my hand reaching inbetween her legs. She's damp and I know she's ready. Rey is always ready for me. I rub my fingers, giving her the friction she needs to cry out whimpers. It's music to my ears. Rey leans over the counter, her cheek flush against the countertop. My face dives into her waiting pussy and I rub my nose right into the dampness, her musky fragrance making me harder.

"Ben, please."

"Yes, Rey?"

"Please touch me."

I peel her leggings and panties off, not donning it completely. I can see her pussy glistening for me, my tongue delving into its juiciness. I love the way she tastes. Certainly sweet. My tongue licks her relentlessly, her clit a hard nub. When my lips wraps around it, Rey is grinding her body onto my face.

"Fuck!" Rey hisses.

"That's it, my love."

My fingers find her entrance and I slide in one digit, loving the warmness of her. I watch her body react to me and I kiss her cheek, nipping it gently with my teeth.

"Another, Ben. _Please_."

Rey wriggles and writhes, wanting me to fingerfuck her. I'll give her what she wants. It's only fair. I add another digit, slowly drawing my fingers back and forth. I curve them and hit that spot that makes her almost scream.

"Yes! Ben! Oh my gawd!"

Her legs are quivering, her oncoming orgasm ready to hit. My thumb rub against her clit in circles. I want to see her face when she cums and I move to watch as she releases with a hearty moan. Her muscles squeezing my fingers and I kiss her shoulder.

"You are so beautiful when you cum for me, sweetheart."

Rey is breathless, trying to calm down from her high. I pull my fingers away from her and lick them clean. She watches me, her eyes still full of want. When she stands, she is a mess and weak. I pull her to me, kissing her messy hair. Rey sighs.

"Wow."

I snicker, handing her back the broom. She smirks at me, pulling her leggings and panties back up.

Finally, the kitchen is squeaky clean, like we intended to in the first place. Afterwards, Rey seduces me again into taking a shower together and we spent the time in there making love until the hot water ran out. The bed ended up getting soaked with water as we finished off there. This day turned out to be cleaning day, for the most part, because of our playtime.

It's already passed the afternoon when all is said and done. We both are breathing heavily, my hand resting on my forehead, Rey's head laying on my chest.

"I still haven't eaten."

"Ok, let's attempt to fill that bottomless pit of yours."

"Feed me, Seymour," Rey sings.

I laugh at Rey's trilling from _Little Shop of Horror,_ her head bobbing up and down with every breath of my laugh.

We both order take out, both of us too worn out to cook, from our favorite restaurant. Today, Rey was in the mood for ramen noodles. Along with spring rolls, fried shrimp, and crab rangoon. Rey's voraciousness for food is almost as bad as her insatiable hunger for me. We were equals when it came to our desire for each other.

Rey turns the television back on, a commercial revealing a beach, the gameshow rewarding the winner of the game a vacation to said beach. Rey finishes slurping her noodles, her attention on the tv.

"Have you ever been to the beach?" Rey asks me.

"Many times."

"I've never been. Will you take me one day?" the excitement in her eyes was childlike.

"Really? Never?"

Rey shakes her head. A splash of soup rested on her cheek. I reach over and wipe it over with my finger.

"Absolutely."

Rey smiles. I'd give her the whole world if I could. Anything she wanted. And that would include me.


	13. Chapter 13: Reminder

**Chapter 13: Reminder**

_**(ReyPOV)** _

Labor Day was approaching and that would be one of the few times in a year that Mr. Q's would be closed down for the holiday. Ben must have planned this day ahead of time, months ahead of time, because he booked a place to stay by the beach for us on a Sunday night. Usually, Sundays closed early for Mr. Q's and we would take advantage of that to leave Jakku to head to Scarif Beach. The plan was to leave in the evening, having the rest of Labor Day to spend together. I was excited, this being my first time to see the ocean. This will be one off my bucketlist.

The excitement in me hasn't died down since we left Jakku Sunday night. Ben admitted this would be a long trip. A few hours drive to reach Scarif Beach. Cassian had recommended the beach, noting that that was the moment in his life that everything changed between him and his wife, Jyn.

This was different, being in a different setting that was outside of both our elements. I was used to the heat of Jakku, the night air dry and hot. Only rocks, boulders, and sand surrounded Jakku. There was barely any foliage or shrubbery that grew, the sand not providing any good soil for anything to grow. If there was any, it was dead from drying out. It would be nice to get out of Jakku and see what else was out there besides horizons of sand.

We were into over an hour out of Jakku, the night sky full of twinkling stars, while the radio played softly in the background of Ben's car. Our luggage stowed sturdily in the trunk. The freeway was full of travelers wanting to leave Jakku for Labor Day Weekend.

"So, Finn and Poe _hung out_ last night. Finn didn't come home till late," I update Ben with the gossip between our friend and his cousin.

"Oh?" Ben responds.

"Poe didn't tell you anything about it?" I ask him.

"He didn't say a word to me. What did Finn tell you?"

"Every gory detail of what they did. He said-"

"No no no, I don't wanna know," Ben's hand waved frantically.

I giggled. "But..."

"Rey."

"I'm _joking_. Calm down. He just told me they went on a date," I stated.

A loud pop came from the car and Ben put both his hands on the steering wheel, trying to keep it control.

"What the fuck?" Ben said, annoyed.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I think we have a flat."

"Shit."

"Shit, indeed. I have a spare in the trunk."

Ben pulls over out of traffic and instructs me to stay in the car while he inspects the flat. I can hear the rush of traffic when he opens the door. He takes a quick look and comes back to the driver's side.

"It popped. Damnit," Ben pulled the lever to pop the trunk open to change the tire.

I watched him in sympathy. I plop myself back onto the chair of the passenger seat and open my window to offer him my help. He refuses. I sit back and hear the clattering of the jack and lug wrench against the road, despite the deafening noise of the traffic. The car starts to lift in jerky movements as Ben raises the car with the jack.

It takes him half an hour to change the tire. It must have frustrated Ben because all I could hear was the anger in his voice and the profanity he muttered throughout the change of the tire. When he comes back into the car, his hands are dirty and his hair is in a mess. He exhales a deep sigh.

"For fuck's sake," he says.

"Are you ok?" I ask him tentativey.

"Yeah," his tone does not sound confident.

Then we go on our way. Ben careful not to speed with the spare tire replacing the damaged one. The muscles in his jaw work as he drives and I can't help but notice. He runs his hands through his hair out of frustration and he seems deep in thought.

"It's ok, you know. Flat tires happen all the time."

"I know. It's still shitty though."

I put my hand on his thigh and squeeze. I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, trying to lessen the tension in him. He gives me a small smile and continues to drive. I leave him to his silence and hopes he calms down. I look out the passenger window and watch as the landscape passes by in a blur. The radio continues to play and I feel my eyes begin to get heavy after awhile of staring out the window.

I don't know how long I've been snoozing, but the car swerves dangerously and I'm jerked awake by Ben's booming voice. My head thumps against the window from the jerky movement of the car. Ben's voice is laced with anger as he yells angrily, giving the passing car in front of us the finger.

"Fuck! You ASSHOLE! Almost fucking hit us!" Ben screams through the window.

I look at him with wide eyes, wondering what the hell just happened.

"Sorry," Ben was short.

"What's going on?!"

"Jerk cut me off. Almost clipped the bumper," Ben was _mad._

He loved his car and if anything happened to it, I know how devastated and livid he would be. He was close to it right now.

"Are you alright?" Ben looks at me, his hand on my forearm.

"I'm fine. It's not that bad," I tell him hesitantly.

Ben silently works his jaw again, it tense, indicating his obvious anger. It was just a surprise to bang my head on the window. It really wasn't a big deal.

I look at the clock on the dashboard and 45 minutes have passed. Just another hour or so to go, I think. I hope we get there soon, for Ben's benefit. The scenery has certainly changed, more trees rushing by the window, dark hills here and there, buildings on both sides of the freeway. We're passing an unknownst city to me, but it's still exciting seeing something different.

I don't want to drift off to sleep again. I am too concerned with Ben's oncoming frustration. I decide that we could take a walk on the beach once we get to the hotel to calm him down. Unless he refuses. And I _hope_ he doesn't. This would be another off my bucketlist if we take a walk along the beach at night. It's... romantic.

I turn my head to look at him and his silhouette is stiff. He's trying to reel his anger in and keep it at bay. I want to help. I eye his arm, despite it being dark, but the lights from the dashboard is lighting the inside of the car just enough for me to see his tattoo. I reach over and run my fingertips over it, pausing over the raised skin of his scar where Army stuck the glass shard into his arm. I lean over and kiss it. Then I remember the beautiful script written across the bicep and forearm.

"What does your tattoo say?" I ask.

Ben is silent for a moment.

_"Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a man's life. So you might say that we are encouraged to love."_

"Is that a poem from one of your books?" I ask him.

"My grandfather's words. I never got to meet him, but my mother had quoted him once and it stuck."

"What's the rest?"

Ben began to recite from memory a poem of some sort that was not familiar to me. I didn't follow poetry like Ben had.

_"There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

_There is no chaos, there is harmony."_

I listened intently. I had no idea what it all meant and I wanted it to be explained to me. This conversation turned his frustration into calm, as he spoke.

"What does it mean?"

Ben was silent again, deep in thought.

"It's an admonition. When my anger fits were at its worst, this was a reminder to not fall to a dark place. I had it customarily designed to get it tattooed on my arm."

"The tattooist is amazing, beautiful handwriting."

"That's my calligraphy," Ben stated.

"This is _your_ handwriting? It's beautiful, Ben."

One side of his lips lift to give me a smile. "Thank you."

"Did you know what caused your short temper?" I ask curiously. "Why you're so aggressive?"

"I haven't had any anger issues since... maybe the Hux ordeal, which was warranted, but it hasn't brought its ugly face around lately."

"Poe told me that it was bad," I tell Ben.

"You changed that, Rey."

"Me? How?"

"Something about you keeps me calm. The clear bright sky to my raging storm."

Ben never spoke like a poet and his words were lovely. He had me in awe. For a man who didn't have a lot of words, he was articulate. I didn't know I made Ben feel like this. He had been my salvation, as I was his also. We balanced each other out to not break from our weaknesses. His being his anger, mine was my fears. Since I became closer to him, I felt I didn't need to be scared anymore. He helped me through them, holding my hand. Ben made me feel completely safe.

I bit my lip and smiled, bringing his hand to my lips to kiss.

"You know, you are like my knight in shining armor."

Ben chuckled.

"I'm far from being a knight, sweetheart."

"You don't want to be my knight? I can be the princess," I tease, threading my fingers through his.

"Alright, _princess_."

"Nooo, nevermind! Maybe all that was a bad idea. I'm just kidding. I'm no princess."

Ben snorts while I shake my head. I feel a vibration coming from between us, a chirphy notification indicating that Ben's phone is receiving a message.

"I got it," I grab it for Ben and check the notification. I don't want him to get distracted from his driving. "Hmm. It's Poe. He left you a text. Want me to read it for you?"

"Please."

"It says you left behind something at Q's."

"Did he say what it was?" Ben's eyebrows furrow, thinking what he could have forgotten.

"Nope. No details."

"Shit. Ok. I'll just call him later."

"Are you sure? I can dial him for you, if you want," I offer.

"Ok, go ahead. What the hell did I forget?" Ben says mostly to himself.

I dial Poe's number on Ben's phone and put it on speakerphone. Poe picks up after one ring.

"Ben! Hey buddy, you forgot your little box thingy here," Poe says quickly.

"What bo-. Fuck!" Ben exclaims, his hair waving with a hard nod of his head.

"Hi Poe," I greet him.

"Oh. Hey Rey. I thought you guys would have arrived by now," Poe sounded a bit surprised.

"Nah, we've been delayed from a flat earlier," Ben speaks.

"Shit, you guys ok?" Poe asks, concerned.

"We're good. Ben changed it. He's a bit miffed though."

"Miffed?" Poe chimes.

"What?" I ask, shrugging.

"Who says miffed?" Poe chuckles.

"I do! Oh shut up, Poe!" I giggle.

Ben lets out an exasperated sigh. I had gotten his mind off his frustration just a minute ago, but Poe's phonecall ruined that. Now he was back to being annoyed.

"I guess I'll just hold onto it until you guys get back, yeah Ben?" Poe says.

"Well, I don't really have a choice, do I?" Ben says rather shortly.

"What did you forget?" I ask Ben.

"Ok, I'll keep it safe then, Ben. Enjoy your weekend guys. Good night," Poe disconnects the line.

"That was quick," I mutter.

"He's always been an impatient jackass."

I scoff at Ben's ridiculing Poe. I was used to them dumping on each other.

"But he is surprisingly a good person."

Ben says nothing. Was he upset I was defending his cousin? Poe has been a good friend to me, giving me decent advice when I needed it. Encouragement when I felt lost in my path in what to do with the situation between Ben and I, before I found my love for him. As has Finn. My first real and great friend.

"I can't argue that. He is a good guy," Ben admits.

I smile at him. Was he spouting nice things about Poe? If Poe knew, his ego would swell up to a balloon, and we both know that he didn't need anymore of that.

"Don't let Poe hear you say that," I snort.

"I know. I'd never hear the end of it."

"Very true."

"We're almost there," Ben expresses.

"Wow, already?"

I look out the window to search for any sign of ocean, but it's too dark outside for me to see anything. I can see shadowy shapes of palm trees and passing buildings lit up with lights and signs of shops. And of course, more cars. I sigh. My disappointment sets in, but it won't last. We'll be out of this car soon.

"Are you excited?" Ben asks me.

"You're kidding, right? Absofuckinlutely!" my smile is beaming.

My body practically vibrates with excitement. We need to get there already.

* * *

_**(BenPOV)** _

Could my night get any worse? A flat tire and an almost accident. Now I forget my surprise for Rey. Everything was going wrong tonight.

I couldn't relieve the uneasing dissapointment in my stomach. It wasn't just disappointment, it was equally combined with irritation, topped with my straight-out bad mood. Rey did her best to try and talk about a different subject, to keep my mind off the negative. It had worked, but only temporarily. My mood swings were on a rollercoaster, going up and down. When the annoyance set in, it stayed there until Rey brought it down, then racing back to annoyance again. It was a fucking cycle. Now it was up in the air, remaining uknown of what was going to happen next.

I pull off the freeway on our exit and have Rey help me to keep an eye out for our hotel. I haven't had a break from work like this in... I can't even remember. Did I ever have one? If I couldn't remember, then it was due time I take an actual break from work. Being an owner of a small business kept me an engaged.

It thrilled me that I got to spend this time off with Rey. To have her here with me, to create memories for both of us. I eye her looking out the window like an excited kid on Christmas, looking out for Santa, waiting for him to arrive. It makes me smile that I get to give her something she always wanted. Sometimes I feel I have to pinch myself, to help me believe this isn't a dream come true. That Rey is really mine.

 _Scarif Oceanfront Hotel_ comes into view and I could feel Rey buzz with excitement.

"There it is!" she shouts out, pointing.

One corner of my lips lift at my girl's happy vibes. I love to see her this way.

I park the car in front of valet, valet attendants opening both our doors. I pop the trunk and another attendant grabs our luggage. I take Rey's hand and she pulls me down to kiss her. It's tender, her lips warming me. I needed to take her somewhere private soon to hold her as I wish.

"I can hear the waves. This is so great!" Rey grabs my hand and pulls me towards the entrance.

Once we passed the entrance, Rey freezes besides me. Her eyes are wide with wonder and awe, eyeing the hotel lobby. It's filled with draping vines and tropical flowers, the tile floors shining our reflection back at us. On one corner is a big waterfall. The theme was clearly tropical and it's beautiful.

"Wow," Rey whispers.

I look down at her, watching all her expressions. It's quite mesmerizing. She catches me and sees the smile I only give her on my lips.

"What?" she asks, smiling to hide her embarrassment. Her teeth show beneath her pink lips.

"You," my finger lifts her chin.

Her hazel eyes are bright, her dilated pupils gazing back at me. The darker pigment of freckles on her soft cheeks are pretty. I love her smile. It lights me up inside everytime she smiles, accentuating her adorable dimples.

"What about me?" her brows furrow, wondering what I'm thinking about.

"You're perfect, Rey."

She blushes. This is new and I love it. Rey shy?

"You surprise me often."

"I'm just full of 'em," she jokes, putting her arms around my thick waist. Her arms are a bit too short to connect her hands together.

"You're going to be full of something else soon," I give her a mischievous chuckle, pulling her flush against me.

"Ben!" she scolds quietly, again her eyes widen. "Watch yourself in public."

I know she can feel my arousal. I make sure she can, smirking at her.

"You're horrible. A monster," Rey giggles.

"Yes I am," I lean closer to her ear and whisper it in my bass voice.

Yes. That's the response I'm looking for. Her body shivers and her smile disappears as she gasps. When I pull away from her, I grab her hand and pull her to the registration desk. We get our keys, grab our luggage, and are directed toward our room. Our room is on the first floor, towards the back of the hotel.

I don't know if I can wait to kiss her. I tug her into the little room where they keep the ice dispenser and push her against the wall, kissing her hard. Rey cups my face and pulls me towards her further, our lips crashing against each other. I groan when I feel her tongue against mine. I can never get enough of Rey. Our mindset of getting to the room quickly overtakes us and we straighten up, walking out from our hiding spot. We both roll our belongings with us to our room, holding hands. I pull the key out of my pocket and slide it to open our door.

Red light.

"Really?" I growl.

"Here, let me try," Rey offers.

She tries the key and another red light. What the fuck. I can't even get into our room! When is this nightmare going to end?

"Fuck."

"We'll just go get another key, Ben. It's ok," Rey tries to be optimistic.

"No. You stay here with our stuff. I'll get another damn key. Sorry, sweetheart. This night is not turning out the way it's suppose to."

I give her a quick kiss and stomp down the hallway towards the elevator. I was not happy once I got to the desk. I was exuding annoyance and the staff noticed. They apologized and I proceeded to return to Rey. This time the key worked, but my mood had been completely dampened.

"Hey, come here grumpy," Rey approaches me, once we are behind closed doors of our room.

I exhale, trying to release the tension in my body. I feel like I'm pulled tight, my muscles in my jaw becoming a bit painful from me clenching my teeth since the flat tire. Rey embraces me, holding me tight against her. She kisses my chest through my tshirt and places her chin there, looking up at me.

"Let's go for a walk."

"It's almost midnight, Rey."

"So? C'mon. Let's go."

She lets her luggage fall to the floor and she grabs mine from my hand.

"You'll feel better, I promise," Rey says, giving me an uplifting smile.

I follow her to the back sliding door. She opens it and fresh cool air hits us. I inhale and try to calm my tensed jaw muscles. And my agitation.

"Oh my gawd, we have access to the seashore? Ben, this is amazing," Rey walks out slowly, taking the sights, sounds, and smells of the sea.

She takes her shoes off and smiles, enjoying the feel of cool sand underneath her bare feet. This sand is more coarse than the fine sands of Jakku.

"I wanted your first time to be perfect. I wanted to help you fulfill one of your dreams."

"How did I get so lucky with you?" Rey turns, tiptoeing to kiss my neck.

"You were just you."

"I love you, Ben Solo," Rey's expression is romantic.

"I wanted this night to be perfect, for you. But everything was going to shit and ruined my mood. I'm sorry, Rey," I pouted.

"This night _is_ perfect. Every night is perfect, Ben. I don't care what the fuck we do as long as I'm with you. Now walk with me. You need it," Rey walked backwards towards the beach, both her hands grabbing mine.

Rey didn't give a shit that I was glowering. I needed to stop thinking negatively and about myself. This was all for her. For both of us, really. And I was ruining it. I took my shoes off, inhaling and trying to give Rey a smile.

"What can I do to help you feel better?" Rey asks, walking beside me.

We follow the sandy path towards the loud waves that we can hear in the distance. It's not that far a walk and the hotel provides lit lampposts, guiding us. I hold her hand, letting the sounds of the sea help erase my grumpy mood. The stars light up the night sky and the breathtaking view could be a perfect photograph.

To be honest, I haven't had the experience of walking the seashore on a beautiful night like this. And to do it with Rey, it's perfect. Fuck the surprise I mistakenly left at Mr. Q's. I was going to make this night perfect, for us. For me and Rey. A night to remember in the future.

We walk silently next to the shore, feeling the cold water saturate the sand. Boats or ships could be seen in the distance, Rey pointing out to them, claiming that she wanted to ride a boat one day. The moon was not full, but it was bright enough for me to see the smile on Rey's lips. Her teeth peeking from behind them. Her dimples deep with the happiness she felt.

Fuck it.

"Rey."

I stop and pull her into my arms, smelling her hair. It's the sea and Rey mixed together. It's intoxicating.

I don't care I left the surprise behind. I don't need it to permanently devote myself to Rey. It doesn't matter that I thought this night was ruined. All of what we went through was worth it for this moment to stand at this beach with Rey.

"Yes?" Rey looks up at me.

I can see her eyes, despite the darkness. Thanks to the moonlight.

"What is it, Ben?" she asks me.

"I had planned this very differently, so many things went wrong, and I forgot the ring at home."

"Wh- Ben?" Rey's eyes go wide.

"We came here tonight to fulfill your dream of seeing the ocean. Now will you fullfill my dream of becoming my wife?" Emotion takes over me and my voice breaks.

"Are you asking me to marry you?" Rey's voice is much higher than usual.

"I don't have a ring for you _tonight,_ but I promise you I will be your knight in shining armor for the rest of your life," I get down on my knee. "Yes, Rey. Will you marry me?"

"Holy fuck! YES, Ben!" Rey attacks me and deeply kisses me.

I can feel tears on her cheeks when I cup her face. I kiss her everywhere besides her lips. I feel her warm petite body against mine, lifting her up to bring her closer.

"I love you, Ben. I love you so fucking much," Rey cries into my lips.

"I fucking love you too, sweetheart."

"We're just a couple of romantics, aren't we?" Rey laughs.

"Absofuckinlutely, princess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, this is the last chapter. My plan was to end it when Ben proposes to Rey. There will be an epilogue. I hope you enjoyed my story!


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The water here is different. Cooler and calm. The lake floor had an odd softness to it. Scarif beach sand was coarse with pebbles. I remember when jumping the waves there, the feel of it underneath my feet. The water color here in Naboo had richness of a vibrant aquamarine. I can hear a waterfall off in the distance. It never occurred to me that the sound of heavy splashing water continuously sounded relaxing. I can see why Ben missed this place. It's absolutely beautiful.

Ben's old memories of him and his family and friends visiting this place were held sentimentally close to his heart. He wanted to build new ones with me, his wife, Mrs. Rey Solo. So he chose this special location for our honeymoon. Naboo did not disappoint.

The Naboo buildings held distinct shapes of dome-like castles. It was like a fantasy, being here. Especially with Ben. My former knight in bright shining armor, now my king, my husband.

I stood at the balcony of our honeymoon suite, overlooking the waterfall from afar. The lake was completey still and a mirrored picture of the landscape and waterfall reflected on the surface. What a view. It was early in the morning, the sun barely starting to shine down at everything. The air was cool and I wrapped the bedsheet around my exposed shoulder to prevent goosebumps.

Ben is right behind me within seconds, pulling the bedsheet off my shoulder, returning it to the position it was before.

"Don't move," he whispers in my ear.

I can hear his feet shuffling backwards against the floor.

"What are you doing, Ben?"

He stays silent. Then I hear a click of his camera phone, taking a picture of the view from where he's standing.

"Perfect."

I turn and eye him curiously. The sheet falls off my other shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I ask coyly.

"Wait, Mrs. Solo. Don't move," Ben gently whispers my new moniker.

I can't help but sigh and give him an earnest smile.

_Click._

Again, he takes another picture of me.

"This honeymoon is about you too, husband. Come here. We'll do a selfie. You can take the picture."

Ben smiles.

Ben is sporting silk boxers, red hearts dotted all over the fabric, compliments of Poe, as a joke. Truthfully, it was a perfect gift for our honeymoon. It slings low on his hips, exposing his V and abdominal muscles. For fuck sake. Is this really my husband? He calls me perfect, but he is a god. My personal Adonis.

He saunters towards me, a shadow forming on his chin and upper lip, from missing his routine of shaving every morning. I like it. His hair has been recently trimmed for our wedding more than a week ago. It's disheveled from our lovemaking this morning. Ben is the epitome of sexy.

I put my arms around his built midsection, placing my flushed cheek against his chest, looking up at the camera. His heartbeat drums in his chest and my adoring smile is true from the knowledge that I make this man happy. Ben places his free arm around me, pulling me closer, resting his cheek on the crown of my head. He gives the camera _my_ smile. Now I'll have it in a picture to keep forever.

We waited 6 months to plan for our small wedding. Finn was my "best man", as Poe was Ben's. Over the months, Ben connected with his parents. He was hesitant at first, but he said that as long as I was by his side, he could build a relationship with his parents. One he didn't have. It was all new to him, but I believed in him. I know what it was like to not have parents and I insisted that he at least do this for himself.

I know where Ben inherited his sarcasm from. Or how he became so intimidating to others. His father, Han, was a handsome man with a deep, raspy voice. He inherited that from his father also. Ben definitely inherited the expressive brown eyes from his mother. She was a firm woman, but sweet and caring. They both welcomed me with open arms, mentioning how they always wanted a daughter.

Poe ran Mr. Q's during our honeymoon, with the help of the others, and his beau, Finn. That was their wedding gift to us, plus the silk boxers with red hearts all over it. Leave it to Poe to purchase that type of gag for Ben.

"What are we doing today?" Ben asks me, putting his phone down.

"Let's take a walk. I want to visit those waterfalls."

Ben looks out over the balcony.

"I've never taken a walk here," his eyes roamed over the lake.

He almost looked lost, but he turns to face me. His eyes are full of bewilderment and his smile is sweet. Then turn mischievious.

"This will be fun. We could make out behind the trees or go skinny dipping in the water..."

"Ben! We want the _peace_ of walks, not scare the animals, you monster!" I laugh loudly at him.

I play smack him on the arm and he picks me up to bring me back to bed.

"Or we could just stay here," he kisses my lips, hovering over me.

I smile and push his hair away from his face.

"I like your idea much better."

I kiss him softly, luring my husband closer.

 _My_ husband. _My_ Ben.

**The End**


End file.
